One could argue about the true purpose of prayer – communion with God, bearing others in mind, repositioning our perspectives in the midst of hectic lives.
We all probably have different goals when we set aside time to pray, but finding comfort should surely make the short list of prayer’s benefits. I am not talking about the comfort of complacency or seeking a false sense of ease. Rather, I mean the peace that comes with knowing we are loved.
It is funny, then, that I so often find prayer to be stressful. I get anxious by a nagging, plaguing doubt that somehow, I am not doing it right.
Some days, I worry that my prayer is not sufficiently directed toward the people in my life, so I run through a laundry list of family, friends and acquaintances. This ends up feeling mechanical and mindless, which makes me fear I am simply treating prayer like a task that needs to completed.
So I respond by sitting in silence. This is often wonderful but also often a recipe for mind-wandering distraction or a sense that I am lazily avoiding the call to truly speak my heart to God.
Then I try simply saying or praying whatever comes to mind. This, too, has its upshots. Many times, however, it leads to a self-consciousness – What do I say? What thoughts are worthy of prayer time? Will God think I’m a whiner if I talk about this? – that is not unlike a first date that still lacks the conversational flow held by people who have known each other a long time.
Sometimes when we turn from our spiritual lives, whether by deliberate choice or happenstance, I think we forget that God was still present and witness to every thought, word, feeling and action. At first glance, this can feel disturbing if we are not proud of recent events. In reality, though, it can be supremely relieving: when you are completely and intimately known by someone, you don’t really need to explain yourself. As Jesus tells his disciples when teaching them the Lord’s Prayer, “Your father knows the things you need before you ask him.”
From this perspective, prayer can be seen less as something God requires of us than as something God gives to us. God does not need us to tell him what is happening in our lives, because God already knows. The best way to pray is the way that allows us to know this, to feel God’s love and to bring it to those around us.