Busted Halo

While celebrating Hanukkah with her housemates, cradle Catholic and comedy writer Carolyn Martone explores the Jewish roots of her faith and and her craft, in this eight-day blog.

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December 9th, 2010

carolyn-hanukkah-5-fiddler

Days Six and Seven of Hanukkah

Author Yaakov Astor states,

“Chanukah ideally is meant to instill in us an image of what we can be — no matter how far from that image we may begin.”

I thought back to high school, a time when all I wanted to be was an actor.

I have a confession to make. (Another reason to love Judaism: no confession, and thus — no penance!) The summer I was 16, I had my first job working the concession stand at “Live at the Lakehouse,” an outdoor summer stage that featured free musical theater six nights a week. Confession #2: I saw the play Fiddler on the Roof 36 times as a result. Let me repeat this: I saw Fiddler on the Roof thirty-six times. If there is such a thing as a “born-again Jewish experience” I had it, circa 1988. Though the concession stand closed after intermission, I always stayed. I broke my ten-thirty curfew and climbed up the hill in Washington Park to find a spot under the stars to watch Act Two.

By the end of July, I knew the lyrics to all of the songs and volunteered to help backstage. I …

December 8th, 2010

MenorahsIn my pre-Chanukah post, I discussed (or rambled on about) how Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, but also the time when Jews all over the world celebrate, and meditate upon, miracles.  But what kind of miracles exactly?  Well, we have the basic Chanukah story where the Hashmonaim found a small amount of oil that lasted eight days and nights to burn the menorah.  Now let’s go even further than that.

I recently heard a beautiful thought on Chanukah miracles.  The miracle wasn’t so much that the Hashmonaim found a small bit of oil that lasted 8 days, but that they believed in themselves enough to search!  The Jews – the Hashmonaim – could have just given up on themselves, but instead they believed in themselves and in their search – not just for any kind of oil, but for pure oil so that the menorah should be lit.  And that is the miracle of Chanukah – to believe in our true potential and to believe in ourselves.  We put so many physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual limitations on ourselves that it’s so easy to actually believe that we are incapable of doing all of the wonderful and unique work …

December 5th, 2010

For almost every Mass on the first Sunday of December I can remember, a (visibly angry) priest would climb to the pulpit and offer a predictable lament.  The lament was that “society” had, once again, started the celebration of Christmas four weeks too early; we as faithful Catholics were strongly encouraged not to take part in this abomination.

Of course, over half of the congregation had already accepted party invitations, had presents purchased during Black Friday stashed throughout the house, and had already set up a tree.  No matter!!!  The priest would challenge the community not to use the “C-word” (Christmas) until December 24.  Because Advent is a SERIOUS time!  A QUIET time!  A time to PREPARE!

Of course when the priest said this I thought to myself, “Of course it’s a time to prepare; that’s what all of the sales are for!”

This attitude did not change much when I arrived at seminary.  One December for a prayer service, I led a silent mediation with George Winston’s “December” album playing in the background, a somewhat obscure collection of piano tunes that have never been featured in any Rankin/Bass production.  Yet after the service, one of the other students came …

December 2nd, 2010

lalupe-advent-conspiracyI don’t know what possessed me to buy it.  I was in a store and I saw this kind of rolodex that cataloged all the Native Americans of North America.  It contained the Pima Indians which is a tribe that Brandon and I worked with for many years.  I saw it and bought it thinking that it was a perfect Christmas gift for Brandon.  Had I put more thought into it, I would have realized that he had absolutely no use for American Indian flashcards.  We had just started dating at the time so he had to act really excited to receive the gift but, as the years have passed, we laugh about how off my gift-giving skills were with this purchase.

We’re all guilty of it: buying gifts for others that we should probably have put more thought into.

I always find myself feeling a little irked when I receive a gift that is going to go directly to the give-away box.  I just hate the thought of someone wasting their time and money buying something for me that I will never use.  Like a candle or some flowery smelling body spray.  I cannot appreciate gifts such as these.  …

November 22nd, 2010

How much pain does it take to feel G-d? The people of Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, worry about their kids and gangs, about drugs and homicide. They have the projects and they have their churches. But mostly, they have G-d.

The residents in this neighborhood hold more collective faith than any one community. You can just feel it. Every night, the churches host something for the community – anything – from youth programs to keep kids off the streets, to housing and foreclosure help to free HIV testing.

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The residents here speak in gospel, and laugh with you like you are their good friend. I am a white, Jewish girl who spends a lot of time in this neighborhood on assignment as a writer. It blows my mind how much love the people have for others and how much G-d they have in their hearts.

A New York Times article this Saturday titled “A Long Road From ‘Come By Here’ to ‘Kumbaya’” is about the song we all know for camp fires and strum guitars, but once was and still is a song about a Black people’s despair. The song lyrics call on heaven to help in a time of pain, …

November 19th, 2010

Thank you all so much for your prayers and heartfelt comments on my post “Questioning God.” While the holidays will definitely be a difficult time for my family, I’m confident we’ll make it through.

The evening of the funeral I stayed up late to watch the video premiere of Lady Antebellum’s music video for “Hello World,” which managed to put life back into perspective.

Not one to cry, the moving video brought tears to my eyes and made me realize that life is way too short to spend so much time grieving or taking things so seriously.

Instead, I wanted to make a difference.

Back in September, I donated 10 inches of my hair to Locks of Love, a non-profit that makes wigs for children suffering hair loss from any medical diagnosis. In my head I thought doing a good deed would result in good karma with the certainty that my cousin would get better. When she didn’t, I decided to put together a benefit concert in celebration of my website redesign and donate the proceeds to the American Cancer Society. The day Silvia passed away I was angry that good karma didn’t seem to exist for …

November 19th, 2010

thrivinggap-flashIt’s nearly impossible for most Americans to separate out what they need from what they want. Why? Because our wants are turned into needs by advertising, the desire to “keep up with the Joneses” and a constantly changing consumer culture. But in their Well-Being survey, the good folks at Gallup attempt to separate the two – asking Americans if they feel they have enough money for the things they need, for the things that they want to do, and then cross-tabulating those responses with a question asking the respondent to rate his or her current and future life on a 0-to-10 scale, with higher satisfaction reports categorized as descriptions of “thriving.”

Some 60% of Americans who say they have enough money for their needs rate their lives well enough to be considered “thriving.” By contrast, 27% of those who can’t meet their needs are thriving. Obviously, that’s a concerning gap.

Gallup concludes:

The data suggest the contentment that comes from being able to pay one’s bills, buy groceries, put gas in the car, and possibly have a few dollars leftover…

This would certainly make sense, but even if the pollsters outline their definition of needs vs. …

November 11th, 2010

lalupe-flag&church-flashI love churches.  I really do.  Back before we had Olivia, Brandon and I would take regular trips around Austin and its surrounding cities to visit churches we had never been in before.  I love the art, stained glass windows, smell, architecture, everything.  Kinda dorky, but it’s one of our favorite things to do together.

One time I visited this particular church and decided to stay for daily Mass.  There was a small group of people there and one of them was a policeman in complete uniform: gun, walkie talkie, baton and all.  This really struck me.  I thought how much faith this man must have to still attend daily Mass when, I could only assume, he was on duty or about to go on duty.  Mass continued and it was during the Lamb of God that the Eucharistic ministers (EMs) came forward.  One of the EMs was this very same policeman.  I am sure that my mouth dropped because of how shocked I was.

All sorts of questions were flying through my head.  Was I going to feel uneasy receiving Communion from a policeman in full uniform?  Should I?  Is this man going to write me a ticket for …

November 4th, 2010

lalupe-tithing-flashTithing used to be emphasized a lot more in the past as necessary to lead a good Christian life but has fallen out of favor.

I recently taught my students about stewardship which included a lesson on tithing.  I thought it was an important lesson to teach because my experience is that people don’t think that it is important to give money to the Church.  Some people get extremely offended when they are told that the Church needs money.  They don’t think it is the Church’s business what they do with their money and how dare the Church tell them that they have to give what they have worked so hard for and deserve.  Some have actually walked out of the church when the priest has to give his once-a-year homily on the finances of the church.

In the Gospels, Jesus teaches so many lessons about money.  Why?  Because it is so hard to detach ourselves from money.  It is so easy to justify keeping and using money.

Well, I could pledge to help this high school student go on a mission trip but we need to keep saving up for Suzy’s college fund.

I could give money but I …

November 3rd, 2010

honesty-v-fakingit-flashI came across an interesting — if not a bit confusing — podcast on the Freakonomics site: Stephen J. Dubner argues that between “Sea of Cheating and the valley of Lying, you’d come to the kingdom of Faking It.” A woman who keeps kosher, but loves to nibble on bacon when she’s out for brunch. A man who tells nosy colleagues about a fake desire to have children and a fictional membership in a local church. All for the sake of easing social situations.

Some would call these white lies. Others would call these out-right untruths. But I certainly wouldn’t call it “faking it.” Still, that quibble aside, Dubner writes:

Is all this faking a menace to society? Or do we all benefit from everyone else’s fakery? You’ll have to decide for yourself.

We all know it’s bad to lie, but we do it anyway. According to a 2008 study, the average person tells four lies each day-or nearly 100,000 in a lifetime. The most common lie is “I’m fine.” Other popular lies included “sorry I missed your call,” “our server was down,” “nice to see you,” and “I’ll call you back in a minute.” Also, apparently …

October 29th, 2010

rally23:17 pm: After a long Metro Ride back (never ride the DC Metro with Joe Williams… bad luck always follows), Joe, Carolyn, and I talk about the place of religion in the public discourse in the hopes we can have a more open conversation as a whole, with people feeling free to both challenge and be challenged. We get back to St. Paul’s College and we drink beer. T’was a grand day!

2:35 pm: We decide to head out. We see someone holding a sign with a picture of Jesus that says something like, “That’s not what I said!” Had to get my picture taken with it.

2:02 pm: It’s funny, because there are so many people dressed up here today, not many people really notice me wearing a collar. BUT they do notice that I have a collar and a microphone. Most people are pretty cool, but a few have their suspicions when a guy wearing clerics want to ask them about religion. I wish I were also wearing a sign that said, “Not trying to sell you anything… just want to find out where you’re coming from!”

1:58 pm: I REALLY want a rally hat… but they are …

October 28th, 2010

year-of-giving-flashHave you heard the story of Reed Sandridge, who, after getting laid off from his job, embarked on a Year of Giving? He goes out in search of perfect strangers, hands them $10 and asks for their personal story–which he posts on his blog.

I used to write a blog called “Character Sketches,” but this gives the phrase new meaning.

About 30% of the recipients of the $10 used it for food or beverages — like a latte. But the next most common use for the cash was to give it away to someone in need.

And if you read a story that moves you — someone who you might hire, someone whom you could introduce to a contact — Mr. Sandridge has a page for followup, where readers can lend a hand.

Says his brother, Ryan, to the Washington Post:

“He forces attention to people who are usually ignored… I hope others maybe slow their life down just a little bit and see that there’s more than just the daily grind. I don’t know if that’s part of his message or not — but that’s one of the things I take out of it. Look …

October 25th, 2010

factsfaith-prayersfordead-flashWhat’s the point of praying for the dead? Fr. Larry Rice and Fr. Dave Dwyer discuss why Catholics see praying for the deceased is important and why other denominations may not agree.…

October 21st, 2010

factsfaith-putiangels-flashThink cherubim angels are cute, plump, lightly clothed babies flying around? Think again. Fr. Larry Rice explains the “heavenly org chart” of angels.…

October 21st, 2010

lalupe-toomuchlove-flashSince I am a parent I am now a lot more observant of parenting methods I see around me.  Sometimes I see really good parenting, like the mom that sees her child struggling to climb the slide at the playground but let’s them struggle a little bit before stepping in.  Sometimes kids just have to figure out stuff for themselves.

I also notice not-so-good-parenting.  Like the mom that has grape soda in her baby’s bottle when the kid isn’t any older than 4 months.  Note to self, don’t do that.

But one parenting method that people may not label as harmful is the mom that loves her family too much.

I believe that a mother, if her love for her family is not ordered in the right way, can actually love her family so much that it is harmful.  I’ve heard that argument that loving your family too much is better than being a negligent mother but I think both are extremes at either end of the spectrum and both harmful.

Of course this can relate to anyone who loves another person, a girlfriend, a brother, a grandfather, a daughter, a husband, an aunt, etc.

When I am talking about …

October 20th, 2010

family-in-way-flashI’m a big fan of dark humor. So this headline

Family Gets In The Way Of Work For Materialistic Individuals

seemed right on the money.

The more materialistic individuals are, the more likely they are to view their family as an obstacle to work, finds a Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology study published online recently.

Can’t buy me love? Right… because it might get in the way of making more money.

(Academic side note: It’s a small study – sample size of only 274 – so let’s not go too nuts over the results. But many other studies have linked materialistic personalities to myriad other bad things. Want to see how you fare on an academic scale of materialistic tendencies? Take this online test.)…

October 15th, 2010

boobies-flashThis summer when we were visiting my family in El Paso I got to meet the boyfriend of one of my cousins.  She’s a younger cousin who just graduated from high school.  When I met him I immediately noticed the bracelet that he had on that said “i love boobies”.  I rolled my eyes and thought how tacky.  You’re meeting your girlfriend’s family and you wear something like that.  Then after him hanging around all day he brought our attention to the bracelet.  He took his arm out and waved it over the dinner table asking us if we had seen these bracelets.  He informed us that the bracelet was to support breast cancer.  In my head, my response was, “My a**.”  A guy in his late teens, early twenties is wearing something with the word boobies on it because he is truly committed to supporting breast cancer awareness.  Sure.

We all kind of nodded and went on with dinner.  I didn’t think much of this event at the time but recently I have seen an onslaught of inappropriate breast cancer awareness things that I just have to say something about.

I am completely in support of breast cancer awareness …

October 14th, 2010

manly-men-flashHere’s some weird research from the Face Research Laboratory at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland.

Nearly 5000 women, most of whom were in their early 20s, were asked to participate in a quick online survey where they choose which male face they found to be most attractive. The photos were very similar – but one was made to be more “masculine” with a stronger jawline and bushier eyebrows – while another was given slightly finer features. Apparently, “manly men” are less attractive to women in healthier, modern countries. Reports the Freakonomics bloggers

In short, women in less healthy countries preferred more masculine men, perhaps for their evolutionary advantages (testosterone is linked to health).  So if you’re blessed or burdened with a short, broad face and a strong jawline, you might want to think about moving to Argentina.

Jena Pincott, author of Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? wrote a piece in the Wall Street Journal about the phenomenon, too — and outlined some of the study’s limitations. It’s well-worth reading.

I’m a skeptic of evolutionary psychology, generally. The women-want-a-caveman-to-protect them argument never seemed to jive with contemporary sociological research (including my own mate-preferences research) Socialization is a powerful force. …

October 7th, 2010

iffriendsdrinktoomuch-flashOne more to add to the series of social network studies out there: If your friends drink a lot, you will, too.

Writes Time.com

After a statistical analysis of social connections and alcohol consumption patterns, the researchers found that, like so many other things, drinking habits can be contagious: if a close connection (friend, relative, coworker) drank heavily-defined as an average of one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men-participants were 50% more likely to drink heavily themselves; if someone connected by two degrees of separation (a friend of a friend) drank heavily, participants were 36% more likely to do so.

We’ve already seen that loneliness, happiness, obesity, self-control, voting habits and more are “contagious.” This most recent study was recently published in the Annals of Internal Medicine.

Clearly a group of social scientists are building a career on studying the effects of friends and family on our behavior. And it’s interesting stuff. But the results are the same every time. Is everything contagious? If so, does any of this research matter past what our parents (and numerous Biblical passages) always told us?

Pick your friends wisely. And for a rather …

October 6th, 2010

My memory… it slips sometimes.  I wish I could blame it on my advancing age.  After all, forty is right around the corner and I’d like to simply believe that as time passes, so do the hard drive of my brain has to let go of some of the storage in order to make room for more up-to-date files… of course then I’d have to ignore my past history, including one of my more infamous episodes from college.

I was visiting some friends after my junior year of school one summer evening and everyone decided to hit the bars… as many of my friends were wont to do during that time of our lives.  But since going out in that manner was something I did a lot at that particular time of my life, I volunteered to be the designated driver.  We had a good time throughout the night, my buddies downed some beers while I shotgunned Diet Cokes.  As the bars began to close, we all go into the car to head home with me driving.  Not thirty seconds after pulling out of the parking lot, a police car turned on his lights and we pulled over.

In those …

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