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January 26th, 2003
Sold on the Benefits of Online Dating

When, oh, when did online dating lose its stigma? When did it become the province of sexy nerds and closet punks, as well as the schlubs and the hipper-than-thou among us?
Who knows? Who cares? One thing, though, that online dating has spawned is worth celebrating: the social guinea pig—someone willing to risk humiliation, rejection, and heartbreak (not to mention a few lost dollars and hours) in the search for connection.
Early reportsBack in the day, online dating was for the socially inept or those who needed specific niches filled. My first experience with it was actually third-hand: a friend’s college roommate—an Asian Muslim woman in WASPy suburbia, no less—met her future husband, an Anglo…

January 25th, 2003
Too busy for the Almighty? Maybe Not

Sister Kay is slothful. She’s a nun and professor and frantically busy. So, when she announced to my Monday night class that she is lazy, I was shocked. Spiritually lazy, she clarified. Some days, she is so busy—keeps so busy—that she doesn’t have time to sit, think, and pray. She explained that she had never considered busy-ness a sin but realized it could be, especially when that busy-ness distracted her from God.
It seemed odd. Here’s the most spiritual person I know—a woman who has dedicated her life to Christ—who frets about not being spiritual enough. I considered my own spiritual life. Do I pray enough? Do I pray at all? Is spiritual sloth something I need to worry about?
Lost in…

January 24th, 2003
Spiritual Lessons from Vulnerable Lives

Maria (I have given her this name after many years) sat on a blanket next to her mother. They sat on the sidewalk selling small bags of pecans in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. It was the family’s livelihood. I was six-years-old and on a day trip with my parents. I pulled my dad’s hand and made him stop to buy a bag of pecans. As my dad paid the woman for the pecans, I looked deep into Maria’s eyes. I continue to carry the image of those mysterious black eyes and will never forget them.

Panchito stood in front of me smiling from cheek to cheek. He waited with anticipation for me to take his picture. The only difference between Panchito and any other child of five was that he looked more like a three-year-old due to malnutrition.…

January 23rd, 2003
Ministering to the ‘Spiritual But Not Religious'

PART 1: THE HIRED GUN…
“Can you imagine us doing this in a church?” I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I did overhear Mina, the young mother, say so to one of her friends during the reception. “There’s just no way we would ever have felt comfortable. We are so not church people.” (Names have been changed for the family’s privacy.)
I recently had the experience of creating and presiding over a baby-naming ceremony—an alternative “baptism” of sorts. Mina, a first-generation Taiwanese-American Buddhist, and Rick, a quintessential Brooklyn Italian Catholic, had just had their first child, their daughter Asha. After the initial bustle, they felt settled

January 19th, 2003
Addressing the Reasons Women Choose Abortion

I was eight years old when on Jan. 22, 1973 , the U.S. Supreme Court made abortion legal throughout the country.
Growing up in a post-Roe v. Wade world, I listened to friends who had chosen an abortion rather than risk losing their chance to get a college education and the better jobs that came with an education.
I witnessed the miraculous and precious births of two of my goddaughters.
I stood by a cousin who at 15 became a mother.
I heard the stories of women who endured childhood emotional and sexual abuse, which later resulted in young adult promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, and abortions.
And like most Americans and many Catholics, I feel uneasy about the complexities of abortion.
Pro-choice women talk about reproductive…

January 19th, 2003
Raquel Taught Me a Lesson about Sloth

I met Raquel one spring day in Kingston, Jamaica. She was a resident at a home for girls who were wards of the state. These young ladies had been taken from their families because of sexual abuse. Raquel sat in a room with her friend Emily.
The room was lit only by the outside light coming in through the glassless windows. It was filled with tables, chairs, and three sewing machines. I asked Raquel and Emily if they knew how to sew. Emily answered in the affirmative and continued by telling me that they made the clothes for the younger girls in the home. I asked Raquel and Emily how old they were. Emily answered that they were both thirteen. Raquel had not said a word since I entered the room. She only looked at me with untrusting…

January 15th, 2003
Leaving the Field and Stalling on the Couch

Every January, millions of Americans, as well as millions around the world, will come together in homes, bars, and clubs to celebrate what is called the
greatest sporting event of the year
. Of course I am talking about the Super Bowl , that annual display of athleticism where 80 conditioned men put their hearts and souls into a game they love, all the while being watched by millions upon millions of people, many of whom probably could not tell you the last time they themselves picked up any ball, let alone a football.
That is the great irony of the Super Bowl. While bringing together the best two teams of athletes that the NFL can produce (at least during this particular year), showcasing their talent and abilities, the…

January 14th, 2003
Love and the Social Pressures of Marriage

“It’s about time you got married, don’t you think…”
This phrase should be deemed the cultural stigma that we cannot get past. First, when I was in my early twenties, my childbearing years were quickly passing, and everyone (except my mother who to this day says she’s too young to be grandmother) just looked at me in wonder. Even that cousin—the one no one thought would ever get married—found his mate.
In the year 2001 twelve babies were born in my extended family. Suddenly, I was the only one who did not arrive at family gatherings adorned with a diaper bag, stroller, walker, pictures and, of course, the camcorder (we don’t want to miss any of those special moments).
My…

January 9th, 2003
More Than Just Respectable and Nice?

Are you a good Catholic?
As we begin 2003, we are surrounded by war and rumors of war. What do you think of the Bush administration’s threats to declare war on Iraq?
Last weekend, outgoing Illinois Governor George
Ryan granted clemency to all death row inmates. Four of those inmates were convicted on the basis of now-recanted confessions which had been tortured out of them by Chicago police. Those four were pardoned and released from prison. Another 164 people will remain in prison for the rest of their lives, but will not be put to death by the state.…

January 9th, 2003
Is "Joe Millionaire" for real?

I hate reality TV.
I think reality TV creators pander to the lowest common denominator so often that I’d rather sit and eat paste with kindergarten children than watch one more minute of Survivor: Thailand (Elmer’s is particularly tasty, by the way).
I particularly don’t like what I call the desperation reality shows. Shows like The Bachelor, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire?, and Blind Date prey on those desperate for attention, be it desperate attention from the opposite sex, or craving those fifteen minutes of fame.
In a recent America Online survey a majority of people found cast members of reality TV shows “embarrassing.” I can’t say I disagree. However, I…

January 8th, 2003
An Hour a Day in Wondrous Company

Rachel said the women who participate in Room In the Inn (RITI), Campus’ winter shelter program, are like artichokes. Their hearts are hidden by overlapping layers of abuse, addiction, mental illness, and inconsistency. I’ve been told that when physical abuse or addiction begin in a person’s life, they stop maturing. The end product is women in the bodies of 25 to 60 year-olds, sometimes interacting among themselves and with others as if they were in junior high school.
Attendance at women’s group is mandatory for those women who want to participate in RITI.
It is stressful being a woman and being homeless. The word on the Nashville streets is that a women, by herself on the street, will…

January 5th, 2003

I stood on the corner looking into
the children’s playground. At one o’clock on this chilly afternoon I found it empty after my walk in the park. Past the dry sprinklers were the two tire swings. Do I dare? I wondered looking around at the quiet empty streets around the playground.

I walked in self consciously and picked a tire swing. Dropping my crutches to the ground I tightly grabbed two of the three chains on the swing. Lowering myself down I felt my butt touch the tire and my feet lift off the ground. Cautiously I spun the tire swing , first one way then another. My braced leg stuck out straight in front of me as I leaned my head back through the chains and lay back looking up at the empty tree branches above me.…

January 4th, 2003
Signs of Hope in Mother Teresa's Long Crisis of Faith

Can there be any example more illuminating about what faith demands than Mother Teresa’s recently revealed crisis of faith?
Crisis of faith…and Mother Teresa? Yes, the two go together. She was human after all. Her crisis of faith is revealed by biographer Saviero Gaeta in his forthcoming book Il Segreto di Madre (Mother Teresa’s Secret). Gaeta has close links to the Vatican, having worked for the Vatican’s newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, according to a recent article in the London Daily Telegraph. Saviero, the article said, obtained access to Mother Teresa’s letters as the foundation for her biography. Most telling about the letters is the juxtaposition of a woman who…

January 3rd, 2003
Anne Rice

Most of us can identify certain teachers or mentors who have had a profound impact on our lives. The same can be said for particular books that have shaped our view of the world. With that in mind, BustedHalo asks the question:
“What books have helped you on your spiritual journey?”
Anne Rice is the best selling author of numerous books, including The Vampire Chronicles. Her new book Christ the Lord, Out of Egypt was published in late 2005.
Anna Karenina: Tolstoy
The genuine Christianity that Tolstoy exhibits makes it the mammoth book that it is. The incredible compassion he had for the characters of the book was life changing. Tolstoy makes Anna’s husband into so compelling a character that he is a tragic figure.…

January 3rd, 2003

The line of work in which I am employed has a significant amount of downtime. But no matter the number of projects my office currrently is or is not working on, I have to be at my desk from 10 am until 6 pm, 50 weeks a year.
Now when I have a project in my life, whether it be at work or extra-curricular, I am in peak performance. When I don’t, however, the small daily duties that are required of me seem a more colossal undertaking than controlling the sheer bedlam of my life with a big project. Unfortunately, I have many more days of downtime than bedlam.
Internal motivation is not a gift with which I was blessed—I work best under pressure. If it weren’t for the last minute in my life, things would seldom get done.…

January 2nd, 2003
A Reflection on the Three Kings

He stood with a table filled with goods for sale. I tried hard to keep my eyes focused through the beginnings of a blizzard. It was 1995. It was Berlin. It was winter. It was cold . He stood looking at me with a smile. I approached his table, now gently covered with snowflakes. It was filled with toy cars, jewelry boxes, and those dolls that keep appearing inside one another when you open one (then the next and so on…). I asked where the items came from. He told me, “Russia,” and he smiled as he pointed toward the ruins of the Berlin Wall.
We stood not more than twenty feet from what had once been the border between East and West Germany. With ten steps, I could be under the great design of the checkpoint. He said to…

January 2nd, 2003
The Oft Forgot Epiphany Celebration, Wise Men and All

Ever had a revelation? Ever, in the middle of everything ordinary, touched the depths of what is mystery ?
Despite the post-New Year hangovers, this is just the time for revelations.
According to ancient tradition, the 6th of January is the Christian feast of the Epiphany (D�a de los reyes in Spanish)�celebrated Sunday, January 4 by Catholics and most Protestants in the U.S. and Canada. The word epiphany means “revelation” or “manifestation.”
The historical dirt
The early Christian origins of this feast are shrouded in mystery, but we know it came before Christmas, and scholars believe it was originally some kind of celebration of Jesus’ glory… , probably at his baptism

January 2nd, 2003
New Year's Day Was Just Another Day

I call them desert experiences because they leave me feeling so barren.
New Year’s Day at Campus , where I work, was the saddest day I’ve spent there. That day a frigid rain fell and none of the participants had much joy or happiness to offer, which they usually do, at least more than a person might expect.
I saw too many new faces, including an exhausted prostitute who, after napping for a couple of hours, head nestled in arms and bent over an old desk, was escorted outside by a man. She wore only a small skirt that barely covered her thighs and a thin leather coat—not enough to keep her warm.
Since the Monday before Christmas, the tables and chairs and structure of the day room had been replaced with rows of…

January 2nd, 2003
The Oft Forgot Epiphany Celebration, Wise Men and All

Ever had a revelation? Ever, in the middle of everything ordinary, touched the depths of what is mystery ?
Despite the post-New Year hangovers, this is just the time for revelations.
According to ancient tradition, the 6th of January is the Christian feast of the Epiphany (Día de los reyes in Spanish)—celebrated Sunday, January 4 by Catholics and most Protestants in the U.S. and Canada. The word epiphany means “revelation” or “manifestation.”
The historical dirt
The early Christian origins of this feast are shrouded in mystery, but we know it came before Christmas, and scholars believe it was originally some kind of celebration of Jesus’ glory , probably at his baptism…

January 1st, 2003
The Humanity of Patty Griffin's Musical World

Opening Patty Griffin’s newest album Mil Besos (“1000 Kisses”) was like opening a book that I wanted to read in one sitting. And I did. I cued the CD player, wrestled the booklet from its case, and opened to the lyrics of the first song, listening until the album was through.
Griffin writes words that make her listeners pay careful attention as she gives voice to stories of quiet pain and dignity. She inhabits the heartbroken, the misunderstood, the lost, the lonely, the unabashedly lovesick, the vulnerable, and the grieving; and renders them proud and unforgettable. She does so with striking melodies and beautiful instrumentation. She makes me cry. She makes me fantasize about accordion…

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