I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, “Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.” The paper I used said, “Happy Birthday.” I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote “Jesus” on it. — Demetri Martin

Keep in mind whose birthday we’re looking forward to, and donate a toy to a charity like Toys for Tots or to a gift program at your local parish.


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