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Busted Halo
feature: politics & culture
March 1st, 2004

Hope and Glory

14 Psychics, an Election, and the Virgin Mary's Dating Service

 
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Crystal Ball v. Gore
On the evening of the 2000 election, I sat before Judith Regan Live watching a psychic make a prediction about the outcome.

“We won’t know who won for a few weeks,” he said. “It will be a virtual tie. It will come down to one state, and it will be very, very close, but the winner will be Bush.”

I laughed; Judith laughed. The psychic did not.

The Catechism and my misfortune
I’ve long avoided having a psychic consultation. For one thing, the Church frowns upon them.

“All forms of divination are to be rejected,” states the Catechism. “Recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and other human beings?They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.”

Also, I feared that I would be told, “You know that whole rich famous writer thing? Totally not happening. Enjoy the drive-thru window.” This, I could not bear.

My multiple choice future
But curiosity got the better of me, although I feared I might need a second opinion.

So I got fourteen of them.

I gave each psychic the name of a romantic interest and a male business contact, then asked how my career would shake out.

This is what I learned:

* The romantic interest is my soulmate.
* The business contact is my soulmate.
* I am going to travel this year.
* And encounter new people!
* I need to cleanse an ex-boyfriend from my aura.

I must say that some of this is completely accurate, given that I travel and encounter new people every time I drive to Wal-Mart for toilet paper. It’s a fairly safe thing to prophesy, as I have yet to hear of a psychic to look a person in the eye and tell him, “You’re going to sit on your ass this year, meet absolutely no one, and go broke.”

My sister’s children vs. BVMmatch.com
But several readers were downright eerie. One informed me that my sister would have two children within three years, and when I passed this along to her, there was a very long silence, followed by: “That’s the way we’ve planned it?but we haven’t told anybody.”

One blessed my heart with the news that Our Lady is “aligning (me) and (a) beautiful male together.” I’m thrilled that Mary has taken an interest in my dating life. Even more thrilled that she’s picked me a hottie.

Then again, there was the psychic who had to cancel our reading because she had “unexpected visitors from out of town.” I don’t know. Couldn’t she have? forseen this?

A thing called hope
Jesus tells us that God knows our needs before we even know we have them (Matthew 6:8). There is a plan, we fit within it, and we mustn’t concern ourselves with the details.

It’s occurred to me that what people pay for in a psychic reading isn’t information, but hope :

* She will call.
* He’s been faithful.
* You’ll be famous.

I’ve always thought you couldn’t put a price on hope?but apparently you can. It costs $2.99 a minute on the psychic friends network.

Or, you could find it Somewhere Else. For free.

 
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The Author : Mary Beth Ellis
Mary Beth Ellis writes from Orlando, Florida.
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