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Busted Halo
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April 6th, 2002

Life, Time, and Love

 
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We are all one cancer cell, car accident, or breath away from our own mortality. Many of us are one pay check, lay off, or serious illness away from bankruptcy, food stamps, even homelessness. Anything and everything can be taken away or drastically altered at any time. I don’t like to think about that part of my existence, but life forces me to look at reality. And sometimes real life hurts.

Tammi is my friend. She showed me what a family was when my family was torn apart. She helped me find faith in God when I lost faith in myself. She taught me how to accept the unacceptable when I thought my unborn baby would die. And she was there when my baby was born. She has watched him grow and loves him as her own. She gives more than money or time to this world. She gives her heart and her unconditional love to anyone who needs it. So Tammi is much more then the word “friend.” But I don’t know what that word is.

Amy is Tammi’s little girl. She is a whirling, twirling, giggling bundle of hair ribbons and cool clothes. She is the kid that will drive you nuts. But you have to love her because she won’t accept anything less. She lights up a room with her hysterical laughter and carefree chatter. And makes us wish we were kids again. She is innocence and beauty in a screwed-up world. She is to her mom what our kids are to us… the center of our universe and the reason we’re alive. Amy has cancer. And all the hard things cancer brings with it are here.

Life didn’t stop for them but it sure did change. The bills keep coming but the money sometimes doesn’t. A job was lost because Amy needs Tammi, and cancer doesn’t wait for paid vacations. Hair ribbons were replaced by hats, and trips to the mall became trips to the hospital. Friendships became distant because people don’t know what to say. Some friendships became closer because friends know they don’t have to say anything. Being there says it all.

I stepped outside and looked at the stars. And in my mind I screamed, “WHY GOD

WHY??” Then I remembered what Tammi showed me years ago. None of us are in control. Sometimes we have to accept the unacceptable because we have no power to change it. But God doesn’t abandon. God is love. So to find Him I have to look no farther than to see how much a mom loves her little girl, and how much that little girl
loves life. Most of all, I see God in how much people can love each other when they reach out and try.

The sun keeps rising and the clock keeps ticking the minutes away. These minutes that weren’t valuable before suddenly seem very important, because I don’t know how much time is left for me. I assume I have all the time in the world. And I still waste it, not realizing how precious it is. I shouldn’t waste a second because I don’t know how long I

get to stay. I have learned from people like Tammi and Amy that if I give love every day, I will
never be wasting my time.

Editors note: BustedHalo.com regrets to inform you that Amy recently past away. We ask you to pray for her family and friends.

 
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The Author : Jana Clare

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