Contraception use is at all-time highs, yet a record 42 million abortions occurred this year.

Frankly, I am perplexed that Catholics are against pre-marital sex, contraception, AND abortion–if we look at the world in a practical manner, isn’t it obvious that we can’t stop young, unmarried people from having sex? Most people don’t practice abstinence until marriage, and I think Catholics and other religious groups need to accept that in order to productively contribute to preventing unplanned pregnancies and abortions. In order to do that, shouldn’t Catholics encourage that contraception be taught alongside abstinence?

Obviously abstinence is the most effective form of birth control, but if we want to prevent abortions from happening (which even I, as a non-religious pro-choice feminist would like to see), we ought to say “you should probably wait to have sex, but in case you do have sex, these are some options to prevent pregnancy and disease.”

I hope this is not read as an attack, because I certainly believe taking on this issue at all is brave of this site, and I am only aiming to bring another perspective to the discussion. I hope my points are not entirely lost on you. If there are less unintended pregnancies, there will be fewer abortions, and I think we would like to see fewer of those.

We are indeed obligated to choose correctly when called upon to make a political choice. A vote in an election for any office with any prospect of authority over abortion in any regard must necessarily be considered as a vote to either curtail the holocaust or to extend it. No other political question before an American voter can possibly be as grave as that.

But elections only happen every other year, and an individual voter’s contribution to their outcome is almost always negligible. Whereas we have opportunities every day, as individual Christians, to make a positive difference in the lives of other individual Christians.

You and I almost certainly can’t stop abortion by ourselves. But we can often prevent a woman contemplating an abortion from going through with it, by showing her a better way, and by helping with the worldly concerns which may lead her to such contemplation.

And if we have such an opportunity and decline to take it, we’ll surely be called to account for it during out particular judgment, just as we would if we were to put lesser concerns ahead of the sanctity of life in the voting booth.

Even in the present legal climate, with hot and cold running abortions on-demand 24/7 and a substantial part of the culture devoted to keeping it that way, we can still save lives by helping individual women to choose not to kill their children. And unlike the political method, we can do it right here, right now, with nothing but the Grace of God and our own willingness to roll up our sleeves and do our part.

I don’t know if Sr. Bernadette’s specific proposal is the best one, but it might be a good start, and it certainly represents the right sort of thinking about what we as Christians ought to be doing in between our biannual opportunities to make the legal system listen to us.

First make sure my own daughter and as many of her friends as I was able to influence have a strong sense of self-worth and personal value they never feel so desperate as to need an abortion.

Second – Do my best to help any woman I come across who needs support so she will not feel desperate and led to have an abortion. In these cases I make it my personal goal to never express condemnation.

Third: Try and influence as many friends and neighbors as I can to follow suit.

Final interesting point: I have know two young girls who got abortions – the first was protestant and got it because her parents said they would dis-own her if she got pregnant. When she was raped by her boyfriend she felt she had no choice to endure the secondary horror of an abortion. The second was the 16 year old daughter of Catholic parents who was forced by her parents to get the abortion because they feared the condemnation and social ramifications at church.

What do I mean by this? I think that a woman’s decision to have an abortion runs much more deeply than “I don’t want my life to change, or to have to sacrifice one little bit.” First, it should probably be noted that abortions occured prior to Roe v. Wade and that worldwide, half of the 40 mil+ abortions each year occur in countries where the practice is illegal. So should our main focus above all else be changing the laws? The fact remains that women as a gender continue to be treated unequally not just under our society’s laws but in the eyes of the church.
Some examples of inequality that I find unconscionable:

-That a single mother and sole financial provider of three children might be paid 76 cents on the dollar compared to a man with the exact same job, and on top of that her daycare expenses may eat up close to half of her salary.

–That a pregnant woman without insurance would have to pay full price for all medical services if she carried to term because her pregnancy would be seen as a “pre-existing condition” barring her from obtaining private insurance. Which do you think is within reach financially for a woman earning minimum wage…an abortion, or seven months of pre-natal checkups, a c-section and a four day hospital stay?

–A single pregnant woman who decided not to abort might be facing homelessness because she lives in a country (the US!) that doesn’t legally require paid maternity leave and she doesn’t earn enough to be able to miss work for six weeks and still make rent. I know because I was once in this exact situation.

–The government provides a free education to pregnant teens, but if they decide to have their babies they have to drop out of school anyway–to work–so they can afford to pay for, among other things, daycare, which is far from free.

And my personal favorite, that a woman (even a minor child) could be condemned and excommunicated by the Catholic church for undergoing an abortion, but the men involved can be forgiven of their sins that led to the circumstance (even if their sins range from mere pre-marital sex all the way to rape or incest).

We need to be sensitive to the fact that for far too many women, an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t just change her life but effectively ends it in many countries uncluding the US. Ends her chance for an education, significantly limits lifelong job opportunities, effectively condemns her to a life of financial instability and bad credit…those are best case scenarios. In the worst cases she faces life-threatening scenarios during pregnancy and childbirth, especially if she lives here in the US which ranks 36th in the world in terms of maternal mortality rates (where country #1 has the fewest deaths in childbirth). There’s a statistic you don’t hear often from pro-lifers trying to scare women into not having abortions. I’d hope everyone would agree that the way to provide real women with the opportunity to make choices other than abortion is to start fixing all of the above problems, as opposed to just focusing on installing pro-life candidates or closing down abortion clinics.
I applaud Sr. for pointing out that we need to focus less energy on condemnation, legal loopholes and scare tactics,and focus more on meeting women face to face and providing real solutions to them in the midst of their struggles. Wow, sounds like something Jesus would do.

My thoughts exactly. We are called to love like Christ & allow God to do the judging.

Catholics must always promote pro-life laws, and the best way to promote PRO LIFE LAWS is to vote for pro life politicians. Those politicians, although may not do much in the area of fixing this EVIL Law of legalized abortion, we as a culture must continue to do all we can to overturn that disgusting immoral law that is promoted on this land and defended. We must do that, as well as build the culture of life through support centers…all that is happening and must continue to be enhanced and supported.

To basically think that “voting for a pro life politician in the past shows that it does not really do anything to stop abortions” Is such a lukewarm way of understanding. Statistics or not. The Law of this land cannot allow a mother to murder her own child. The politicians need to be on that page…..and if they are not, you will only get Lawmakers who continue to corrode the law of the land.

WAKE UP!!

Yes, we should provide personal support to women in crisis pregnancies – Maybe we need to see that every parish has connections to Project Rachel for that person who can be called to provide direct support. But it is also important to March to let the public know that lots of normal people are pro-life. In my county, PP is harassing the pregnancy centers by asking the county council to regulated them, this despite the fact that NO ONE has ever complained about services received from the pregnancy centers.

So, I agree that we need to both promote the pro-life direct care services, to make them more widely known and to encourage more Catholics to directly help. This will be always true: even when Roe vs Wade is overturned, the pro-life community will still need to provide support and example.

Issues of childbearing and sexuality go to the core of our identity as men and women. Teaching values is not sufficient. The tone with which they’re taught is even more important. There is so much in Bible that teaches one to turn to the highest. Why not emphasize that? If all someone hears is sin in all it’s permutations and how broken and flawed they are how can anyone expect them to behave differently? Maybe if we all spent more time teaching our children not simply to avoid sin because of some terrible fate (or, as you had mentioned, because the family/church/God will ostracize you) but what God believes is possible for us, what our true value is and what love is… and LIVE by that example will this (or many of society’s ills) change. Only when we remember that not one of us is perfect and actively practice compassion and forgiveness will women not shudder when they walk by a church. If they feel that they will find a sanctuary and support, they just might walk in and open their hearts rather than run.

Sister, your response to Jim is interesting, this idea of “biological distance”. There may be some truth to that, but if gender roles are strictly enforced, then how can one expect a man to ever understand or bond with their wives lives? I’m not calling for men to emasculate themselves, but perhaps if we as women invited the boys and men in our lives into our sphere a little (especially when they’re young), perhaps that “bond” could happen. Maybe with that new perspective, men could understand more fully the need for a kinder, more hands-on approach to preventing through loving teaching (and, failing that, supporting those in trouble) such difficult, emotionally wrenching situations like this.

Would that we lived in a perfect world, Mike, where we don’t have to deal with the effects of original sin. Until then, we must admit that most people are incapable of the heights of perfection that you are suggesting is the answer to abortion. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the Theology of the Body and believe that therein lies a wonderful ideal for all of us to strive for. However, the violation that many women experience in the area of sexuality from the earliest ages on, and the sexual acting out that many men learn, deprive many of the foundation on which to build solid marriages. This is the reality that we deal with. It’s messy. Your suggestion reminds me of Jesus’ admonition to the lawyers who put heavy burdens on others without lifting a finger to help them.

Yes, we do have a duty, as Cibele suggests, of showing people a better way–by how we live. I think that this means that we do so with respect and love, appealing to the freedom of the individual–as God does with us. It means that we remove the beams from our own eyes before we remove the speck in others’ eyes–in other words, we realize our own sinfulness, and not mask it by pointing at others. Again, I can say that my brother and sister-in-law taught me a lot. Their lives showed their guest another way to live, they expected certain things from her because she lived under their roof, and I have seen a transformation in her. It was such a joy for me to call my brother at times and the little daughter of their guest was bugging him because I had interrupted their “play time.” In this very un-ideal situation, my brother was, and will probably remain, a father-figure for this little girl. This is what it means to be Christian–to make Christ present where He so wants to be present–by giving OURSELVES that others may life. People grow so much better when they know they are loved, rather than condemned.

As women religious, I believe every good work that we enter into is pro-life. I ask you, Mike, to please re-read Tricia’s comment. There is a whole congregation of women religious dedicated to this particular mission. Let’s acknowledge the good that the Sisters of Life are doing, that other women religious are doing.

I have often wondered the same thing, Michael. Bernard Nathanson, an abortionist, wrote a book called “The Hand of God.” I have always wanted to read this book. I know that you will find his first-hand account of how performing abortions affected him.

I hear you, Mairie, and thank you so much for your comment. So often, it is women who bear the brunt of so much.

Jim, you ask a good question. What I find interesting is that due to the biology of bearing life, women are much more in touch to begin with with the life they bear. I’ve noticed that it is more difficult for men to “bond” with the life their wives bear, because there is a “biological distance” for men. This physical reality might also affect the way we tend to look at and deal with the reality around us. A concerted effort to encourage Catholics to vote for pro-life candidates is a more distant approach to the issue than the one that I am advocating. Both approaches, I believe, have some validity. The point is it needs to be both/and.

The Church is made up of ‘domestic churches’.

Sr. it is not everyone’s job to be involved in the care and nuturing of mother and child. Except when understood correctly: God instituted marriage as a Sacrament and MUST be followed or the negative consequences you keep bringing up will not stop. Yes, Sr. women and children need fathers in their every day lives.

It is true there are many people who have personally gotten involved in helping women choose life for their unborn children. They have founded and funded crisis pregnancy homes where women can find shelter while awaiting the birth of a child. Some find themselves drawn toward sidewalk counseling, adopting children, volunteering, donating supplies and money, etc.

However, what I am advocating at the parish level is a go-to person that teens/women can go to when they are contemplating abortion, not the head of the pro-life committee who coordinates the walk-a-thon, and donations to the local crisis-pregnancy center. These are two very different roles. I personally have never seen the role of the former listed in any parish bulletin. I would be very interested to know of any parishes that currently list such a contact in their parish.

Despite the remarkable work of so many who are already providing for many women, there are thousands of others who are slipping through the cracks. My heart goes out to them and I ask myself–how can we reach them? and Why aren’t they turning to us for help? For so many of these women, the only knowledge they may know of the “Pro-life” movement is the pictures they see of “Pro-life” events in the media. Most of the signs carried in these “pro-life” events are what I call “anti-abortion” signs. Perhaps this is what Mairie was alluing to in her comment. In other words, they are signs that condemn abortion. What if the majority of signs at a pro-life rally were actually pro-life? These signs might say how we want to help, are ready to help, that we love the women who have to make a very difficult decision and that we hope she considers coming to us….

In presenting the Church’s position on abortion, I believe that people deserve to hear the Church’s message in its entirety. That teaching does include that abortion is taking the life of a human being. But doesn’t the Church also want women to know that we are here to help them find alternatives? It is the last part that is missing from the sites that I explored on the internet.

I also think that Winnie’s comment is worth considering: “Equal Justice for women as well as everyone being involved in the care and nurturing of mother and child from conception until whenever, would help make abortion much less of an option than it is.” The birth of a child along with all that goes with it is a large responsibility. In our society, so much of that responsibility is placed on the mother. If those women contemplating abortion knew that they had a network, a community, “everyone being involved in the care and nurturing of mother and child from conception until whenever” that might lift a huge burden off of the mother. How could this movement toward “everyone being involved” play itself out in our families, in our parishes, etc.? Any ideas?

Sr. Phyllis. I know that there are many good ‘religious’ in the world. But, I truly believe that many women have ‘rejected’ their true ‘motherly’ role in the effort to become ‘equal’ to men. Again, the above stats show that 86% of the reasons for abortions has NOTHING to do with the real health of the woman, but with a personal choice. The biggest problem with this ‘personal choice’ is that a REAL LIFE is being ‘sacrificed’ in the process. Why the ‘rhetoric’ that women are not equal to men? I have known men who are real slobs and why would women want to be equal to them? Yet, I see women making a ‘mad rush’ to become just like them! I can’t support these type of men yet alone supporting women who want to become just like them. Look at our politicians today! How many female politicians are as bad, or worse, than male politicians? MANY.

I had a long discussion several years ago with a bishop about abortion. The conversation ended with “If women take up the banner to stop abortion, then it will happen, otherwise it will continue”. Sr Phyllis, I truly believe the ‘religious’ have a special calling in the divorce/abortion debate that needs your direct pro active energy. Women need to see that it is ok to be a woman and happy. Just like my father showed me that it is ok to be a man, married and a father.

That same poll found that 52% of Catholics call themselves pro-life. Why is that?

Could you provide an examples of an anti-war, anti-capital punishment, pro-universal health, pro-life candidate?

I think the Sister is wrong in her prescription, just like I think she mis-diagnoses the problem. I am all for merciful interventions at the point of pregnancy, but pregnancy and abortion are intimately connected to the status of the family. The family is in serious trouble, which results in all kinds of dysfunction: drugs, sex (and pregnancy), suicide, experimentation, and the like. I don’t suspect what the Sister describes would much affect the abortion rate, anymore than emphasizing adoption seems to have appreciably affected it — though it has tremendously helped, to be sure; in fact, I suspect these efforts would probably have the opposite effect of what the Sister thinks might happen: pregnancy and abortion rates would likely increase. The sister discussing abortion without mentioning sex and marriage makes about as much sense as the recent report on the Ft. Hood shooting failing to mention Islam or Jihad.

There is a pronounced social/familial/spiritual collapse or void present right now, one that people are trying to fill by the physical intimacy of sex or the physiological rush of drugs. People aren’t doing drugs because churches aren’t offering supportive services and rehab; it is happening because people are broken, bored out of their minds, or the like. That’s the point needing address, not after the fact.

We’ve never been more compassionate and ready to help pregnant folks and the drug addicted, yet the rates are where they are. I suspect what we construe as the compassionate act may not always be.