I make this clear to all in my circle. You cannot expect an answer to any ol’ thing you ask. Some information is none of your business. Sometimes, the moment is not appropriate. Sometimes, I just don’t have the time to talk to you. Sometimes, I don’t want to talk to you. The bottom line here is, as a proponent of letting your “yes” mean yes and your “no”, no, carefully weighing when and with whom you speak is an integral part of the process.

On a similar note, we are admonished not to cast our pearls before swine. There are some who cannot or will not respect your truth. These people must be cast away, not your truth. Speak rightly to those who can appreciate right speech. Those who are seeking to injure, those seeking to argue or those seeking the lie have no place among you.

Finally, an illustration … You are serving dinner to a small party of loved ones. Suddenly, a loud knock comes upon the door. It is an uninvited person who, knowing that it is the dinner hour and smelling the delightful aromas emanating from your home, is demanding to be served your very best meal. The question is not whether to serve this person your best food or to serve some leftovers instead. You simply leave the door closed.

I have seen it attributed to various faith communities, that one’s words should pass a three prong test:

1) Is what is to be expressed reasonably certain to be true?
2) Is what is to be expressed kind?
3) Is what is to be expressed helpful?

A proposed statement that fails on any of these is better to remain unexpressed.

Best regards, wishes and prayers-

David

One incident stands out when I learned to lie: I interviewed to be an RA in college. They asked me how I would deal with a certain situation and I was honest, saying, “I don’t know, it seems like it would be hard, but here’s what I try to do…” I didn’t get the RA job, and the housing association had a post-interview session for all the people who had been turned down from the job. In the post-interview session, they told the whole group not to say anything negative in an interview. But after I heard this I started hiding myself more and more, until I realized I would lie without even meaning too any more.

So now I’m trying to be honest at all times, because for me it was a slippery slope. Also, I really respect the Christians I know who are honest, even refusing to tell “white” lies, but they make it work and manage not to hurt people’s feelings. I’m inspired by them.

I had always made up excuses to go over a friend’s house when I knew one of his friends would be there. I didn’t like this friend of his. No one in our group wanted to tell him. A few times we went there and unfortunately we were stuck with her being there and dealing with her. It wasn’t pleasant. Finally I told him directly that I just didn’t like her and told him to tell me when she was invited and I wouldn’t go. It worked out well. I explained to him that not everyone likes everyone. So now we all go over to his house and have a very nice, peaceful and quiet visit without her being there. In this case honesty worked.