You’re right – Recovery is not self help,
If it had not been – someone(today I know it is God) I would never have heard nor seen the warning signs – all in the space of a week – 2 people I respected and my wife saying she had enough – For 35 years I would never admit I had a problem.

Anyway my journey has been, I was willing to give recovery a try. For 6 weeks I rationalised. I eventually understood I could change, but only if I accepted that I needed to forgive myself before I could receive forgivness. I have to learn to love myself before I can receive love. And yes all these gift come with no strings attached. That was the difficult realisation and all of this is in the Bible and Jesus Gospel. I spent so long looking for what there was in it for me.

For me to understand – a Power greater than myself – I came to the realisation that without people in my life I was very lonely, full of self pity and resentful. So I openned the door to others – I let them in and I shared my desperation. The fact that they related and told me their story helped me undstand that I was not alone.

This is the tagible realistion.

The spiritual realisation came about in the time I was alone- the “sleep time”, the driving time. All in my own head.

I have to find a way to believe and trust my own thoughts- and this realistaion and trust in my thoghts has been – Let go and let God.

Today I’m back in church – I’m learning to embrace God through the Church. And I am learning to understand the sacraments.

I now listen to the readings and the sermon- Not what’s in it for me – but how do I relate to the message. And funnily enough I realise there is always a message. Why, because my life has become dynamic – today – the past is the past, I’m no longer a hostage.

In understanding the message I know that I can trust what’s in my head- that my intuition has been rejuvinated by God – I can trust myself today – I can do the right thing today and know the difference, because it’s not all about me. It’s about God’s will for me and I have learnt to understand some of God’s will through People who come into my life. Yes people have a strong message for me.

I also realsised that my spiritual life stopped the day I started drinking. So today, being 6 years sober, I am spiritually 22 years old. I have found youth in my relationship with God. I relate to my children and only have an experiance to share – No longer an opinion. Physical age just means I do things slower.

I gratitude I thank God for my spiritual youth, my physical age, is only a draw back in terms on how I look after myself, and I have years still to go because I know that only God has the stop watch on my biological clock.

So as much as I have a spiritual dimension in my life – the day to day apsects of my life are the same worries – ROOF, FOOD and PHYSICAL Contact others, I also add is it enough of do I fall into the hoarding syndrom. Again is all about me.

Recovery teaches me that that by the Grace of God I am but ONE drink away from a new nightmare and I the choice is mine alone. If I stop hearing the message through God’s people I WILL loose myself and may the wrong choice.

So just for today I choose to find the message, I choose to interact with People, I choose the trust what’s in my head and if I cannot trust these thoughts I tell someone, I pick up the phone and keep trying till I hear the message again.

In friendship and Love
- Eric

Early on I had some periods of success (4 1/2 years once) but was always miserable inside no matter how much better my circumstances and livelihood got. I always drank and used again. I even read some of the AA Big Book once and heard of religious conversion sobriety but I avoided those like the plague. My addiction progressed each time and my methods of getting clean began to be psychotherapy, medication, jails and institutions. None of them worked, I even got high on probation and in jail. I was baffled because I could control myself in other areas of my life but not my alcoholism and addiction. I finally became willing to try a spiritual solution out of desperation.

When I tried the 12 Step method I found a type of sobriety that was free from the craving and struggle! I didn’t just achieve abstinence, my life got better too! I knew that this was the true solution for me, it was recovery. But, after some clean time I relapsed. I repeated this a few times and was baffled at why I couldn’t STAY sober. In examining my relapses I found that I treated the spiritual work as one-time events and not disciplines of spiritual fitness. I realized that when it came to continued personal inventory, prayer, meditation, practice of virtues (not just talk), and carrying the message, I would always start to coast and not do them as specified on the Big Book of AA.

When I prayed every day I found myself getting more connected to that Power that restored me to sanity. When I took inventory every day I found that I didn’t accumulate great emotional disturbances and I gradually bean to get free of my hang ups. In time my disordered sexuality became ordered and I became more content in my marriage, my expectations of others diminished and my conflicts were fewer, I began to see that my excessive desires ruled me and I became free from them, I even quit smoking and became open to life and had 3 more kids. They have never seen me drink or use.

The greatest gift I received was a progression of spiritual understanding and a deepening of faith. I didn’t just believe in a fairy-tale god of blind faith, I was able to reason through all my questions and doubts. I went from a non-specific spirituality, to the God of Abraham, to Christianity, and finally back home to the Catholic church.

One day I sat down after taking the Eucharist and I sensed God speaking to me. He informed me that I was questioning my need for continuing involvement in 12 step fellowships since I was now closer to Him than ever in the Church. He told me unequivocably that I need to always remember that I am a recovered addict/alcoholic and that this is a spiritual gift that I need to use to perform his work well.

Today I continue my 12 step practices as you outlined in the sidebar, I carry the message of the spiritual solution in AA and Cocaine Anonymous, and I go to mass every Sunday. I have a great life, a great wife, kids, home, and lots of friends.

Thanks again for the article and thanks be to God for recovery!

Bob S.
spirituscontraspiritum.org

You described this wonderfully in your explanation of drinking wine at potlucks before Bible study (!!!!) – you remembered more deeply who *you* are as God made *you.* This aspect of ourselves is where we can absolutely grow in humility. Meditating on the fall in Genesis can be a very powerful exercise with this, too.

A friend once theorized an addict “hasn’t taken a real risk in their life.” And that very real risk is to let God be God.

May God bless you.

I became healthy without that help, recognizing that my focus was on the wrong things. Bill never intended AA to become tied to evangelization.