Early on I had some periods of success (4 1/2 years once) but was always miserable inside no matter how much better my circumstances and livelihood got. I always drank and used again. I even read some of the AA Big Book once and heard of religious conversion sobriety but I avoided those like the plague. My addiction progressed each time and my methods of getting clean began to be psychotherapy, medication, jails and institutions. None of them worked, I even got high on probation and in jail. I was baffled because I could control myself in other areas of my life but not my alcoholism and addiction. I finally became willing to try a spiritual solution out of desperation.

When I tried the 12 Step method I found a type of sobriety that was free from the craving and struggle! I didn’t just achieve abstinence, my life got better too! I knew that this was the true solution for me, it was recovery. But, after some clean time I relapsed. I repeated this a few times and was baffled at why I couldn’t STAY sober. In examining my relapses I found that I treated the spiritual work as one-time events and not disciplines of spiritual fitness. I realized that when it came to continued personal inventory, prayer, meditation, practice of virtues (not just talk), and carrying the message, I would always start to coast and not do them as specified on the Big Book of AA.

When I prayed every day I found myself getting more connected to that Power that restored me to sanity. When I took inventory every day I found that I didn’t accumulate great emotional disturbances and I gradually bean to get free of my hang ups. In time my disordered sexuality became ordered and I became more content in my marriage, my expectations of others diminished and my conflicts were fewer, I began to see that my excessive desires ruled me and I became free from them, I even quit smoking and became open to life and had 3 more kids. They have never seen me drink or use.

The greatest gift I received was a progression of spiritual understanding and a deepening of faith. I didn’t just believe in a fairy-tale god of blind faith, I was able to reason through all my questions and doubts. I went from a non-specific spirituality, to the God of Abraham, to Christianity, and finally back home to the Catholic church.

One day I sat down after taking the Eucharist and I sensed God speaking to me. He informed me that I was questioning my need for continuing involvement in 12 step fellowships since I was now closer to Him than ever in the Church. He told me unequivocably that I need to always remember that I am a recovered addict/alcoholic and that this is a spiritual gift that I need to use to perform his work well.

Today I continue my 12 step practices as you outlined in the sidebar, I carry the message of the spiritual solution in AA and Cocaine Anonymous, and I go to mass every Sunday. I have a great life, a great wife, kids, home, and lots of friends.

Thanks again for the article and thanks be to God for recovery!

Bob S.
spirituscontraspiritum.org

You described this wonderfully in your explanation of drinking wine at potlucks before Bible study (!!!!) – you remembered more deeply who *you* are as God made *you.* This aspect of ourselves is where we can absolutely grow in humility. Meditating on the fall in Genesis can be a very powerful exercise with this, too.

A friend once theorized an addict “hasn’t taken a real risk in their life.” And that very real risk is to let God be God.

May God bless you.

I became healthy without that help, recognizing that my focus was on the wrong things. Bill never intended AA to become tied to evangelization.