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The Busted Halo Question Box
Ask our spiritual experts virtually anything!
This is the place where you can ask all of those burning questions that you wouldn't dare ask in person. We will post questions here (using your byline only with permission); we guarantee an answer to everyone.

Have your own question? Then pitch it to us!

Caitlin Kennell Kim
Fr. Rick Malloy, SJ
General Questions
Fr. Tom Ryan, CSP
Ecumenical, Interfaith
Neela Kale
Culture, Moral Theology
Ann Naffziger, M.A., M.Div.
Mike Hayes
Our readers asked:

How can one stay with a husband when he has been unfaithful?

Neela Kale Answers:

First of all, my heart goes out to you. Discovering your husband’s infidelity must be a heartbreaking blow. It is important for you to seek safety and support to face the difficult decisions ahead.

In Catholic teaching, the bond of marriage is indissoluble. A truly valid sacramental marriage ends only in death. But couples sometimes discern that they can no longer remain together. Sometimes they obtain a civil divorce while remaining married in the eyes of the Church. Sometimes they can obtain an annulment, a declaration that in the eyes of the Church the marriage was never a valid sacramental bond. The latter is required if either party wishes to marry again in the Church.

The Church does not oblige you to stay with your husband, especially if you have endured some form of abuse or neglect. Neither would the Church insist that you leave. Ultimately only you and your husband can decide whether it is right to remain married or to end the marriage. If you decide to remain married, there must be a mutual commitment by both of you, assisted by a trained counselor, to work to restore the trust and respect that has been broken. If you decide to end the marriage, also assisted by a trained counselor, you must find healing and strength to begin a new moment in your life. You may also decide to pursue an annulment, as described above. My prayers will be with you.

The Author : Neela Kale
Neela Kale is a writer and catechetical minister based in the Archdiocese of Portland. She served with the Incarnate Word Missionaries in Mexico and earned a Master of Divinity at the Jesuit School of Theology. Some of her best theological reflection happens on two wheels as she rides her bike around the hills of western Oregon.
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  • Mike

    most the time people stray because they are not getting something from the other person within that relationship, so they go elsewhere to try and find it, and more then not it leads to sex with the other person.

    then there is the type of person that suffers from a personality disorder, and that is just they way there are because of it. always going from one sexual partner to another. due to a childhood experices and the morals that where established within that persons super-ego while he or she was growing up.

    another reason could be, the way the two where raised and what they learned what love is by there parents. If the two where loved in a different way then one or both can never be fully satified in the “love” department because they are not reciving the type of love they grew up to know as “love” from the other, so they may if not will go out and look for that same type of love that they got when they where gowing up to try and be satified.

    the thing the one that has been “cheeted” on then needs to do it find out was it them that might have been the cause of it, the other person straying, or it is just the person that strayed personality type.

    then go from there.

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