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June 7th, 2013
Should I invite my atheist brother to my wedding reception?

Question: My atheist brother refuses to come to my church wedding. I don’t want to create a scene, but should I invite him to the reception even though he has insulted me?

Although emotions always run high in wedding preparations, a wedding invitation is really just that: an invitation to your wedding. You are asking a person who is important to you to accompany you on an occasion that is important to you. Perhaps you are saddened that he does not share your religious faith. Perhaps that disagreement has left you feeling insulted. But he is your brother, and it is a very special day in your life. If you want him to celebrate with you, then invite him. That part is in your hands.

The response is in your brother’s hands. He may not be comfortable joining you at the church, but may be more than happy to toast you at your reception afterwards. If he starts to create a scene, that reflects on him; it only reflects on you if you play along. And your attention will be focused elsewhere, just as the attention of your other guests will be focused on you and your new spouse. Give him — and yourself — the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Years from now, when you leaf back through the pages of your wedding album, you will probably be delighted to see his smiling face in your photos and to remember that he was there.

from Neela Kale and the Busted Halo Question Box


Today’s homework assignment: Tell your siblings that you love them with a special handwritten message or email. (No siblings? Tell the people who are like brothers and sisters to you.)

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Please note that the editorial staff reserves the right to not post comments it deems to be inappropriate and/or malicious in nature, as well as edit comments for length, clarity and fairness.
  • Sonja Flater

    Yes, try to include him as much as possible. That is a special time that you can never recreate, so extend the invitation, and hope that he sees what’s really important. If he cannot set aside his prejudices over where you are getting married, perhaps he will participate in the family celebration of your marriage. If he refuses all around, the egg is on his face and he will stand alone, looking foolish.

  • emma

    absolutely not, if he can’t put aside his stupid beliefs to support you on YOUR day then why should he be invited to celebrate afterwards? tell him to man up and be an adult, or celebrate from afar! Congratulations on your big day!

  • pturtlehead

    Why not? Religionists dont have a monopoly on marriage. This is a stupid question

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