Three-and-a-half years ago, my husband and I moved to Pittsburgh from Maryland to be closer to family, leaving behind a church where I felt truly at home. Our Maryland parish community was special because it was the first church where I could truly be myself. I was in the back pew of that church in Maryland when an usher and I exchanged smiles and invited me to be an usher at the Saturday evening Mass, which I regularly attended. After that, as they say, the rest was history.
Another couple soon introduced themselves, and I got to know them as well. They knew I did not have a car, so they gave me rides both to and from church every week. I helped pass out church bulletins at the end of Mass. I got involved with volunteer opportunities through these individuals and got to know other Saturday evening Mass “regulars.” It took years of living in the D.C. area to finally find a church that felt like home and I enjoyed going to Mass every week. I even have a funny photo of myself with two older ushers, and it makes me chuckle at how it reminds me of Selena Gomez, Steve Martin, and Martin Short in “Only Murders in the Building.” I had found my two older friends, just like Gomez did.
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After my husband and I moved and bought our first house in July 2024, I researched the closest Catholic church to me. Unlike my Maryland church, it was not walkable (Pittsburgh in general is not kind to pedestrians). It was a relatively affordable Uber ride, though. I started attending the church later that summer, and since then, I have struggled to find a community there.
For the last 10 years, the Diocese of Pittsburgh has been undergoing mergers and church closures. Due to these measures, the church I now attend is part of a three-church parish. Because of this, there have been fewer and irregular Mass times. The Saturday evening time is 4 p.m., a whole hour earlier than my Maryland church. Since parishioners have the option to attend three different churches, it’s hard to find those “regulars” that I had at my Maryland church.
The Catholic Church is undergoing massive changes, including what Pittsburgh is currently going through. Fewer young people are attending Mass, and while I understand the need to adjust schedules, by closing churches and eliminating Mass times, younger people with busy work and family schedules are facing yet more reasons to feel left out.
I’ve tried to approach others, initiate conversations, and make connections. Despite my efforts, it’s been surprising to me that I’ve never been offered a ride home at my new church, except for one time by a neighbor who happened to attend that same Mass that week. Since I have epilepsy and don’t drive, I typically Uber to and from church. I watch online in the winter due to uncertainty with the weather, Ubers, and it being dark when I leave church. Many have seen me waiting for a ride, and some have even asked who I was waiting for. No one has asked how far I live from church or if I needed a ride. I am not expecting one, but those interactions (or lack thereof) make me miss the closeness of my Maryland church.
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I even volunteered to lector one Mass when the normal lector didn’t show up. I was a lector as a teenager at the church I grew up in, and while it made me incredibly nervous to do it, I was overall glad I did. Afterward, I did get a few thank yous and smiles from people, and a few reintroduced themselves, saying they were a parent of an old elementary school classmate of mine.
Despite all this, I know that connection can take time. Maybe by attending more consistently, or trying the other two churches in the parish this year, I’ll finally find the community I’ve been longing for. I also plan to put myself out there more by volunteering and introducing myself to people. I would recommend reading the church bulletin, too—it’s often filled with opportunities to get involved that are easy to overlook. Sometimes it helps simply to arrive at Mass 10 minutes early, giving yourself a chance to chat with those around you before the liturgy begins.
Parishes can also play an important role in fostering community by offering activities geared toward different groups. I would love to see more events for young families or singles under 45. A friend of mine in Maryland found a vibrant parish community that hosts gatherings for people in their 30s and 40s, including recurring parties and game nights. All it took was someone willing to get things started. Maybe I should be that person. Until then, I’ll keep praying about it and staying in touch with the members of my old parish in Maryland, who remind me that close-knit church communities are still out there.
