From time to time, I will hear a priest share his life experience in a homily, and what is meant to be a relatable story feels like a far cry from my own reality. During these moments, I am reminded of how different his life is from mine — not only as a religious leader speaking to a lay person, but as a person with male privilege speaking to a woman.
I’ve heard priests preach about a wide array of their experiences including taking up kickboxing, their relationship with family, and even their interpretation of pop music. However, I’ve never heard a priest or deacon talk about body image issues, beauty standards, sexual harassment, or invisible labor. These are just a few examples of types of issues many women of faith experience, but are rarely discussed during Mass.
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On one particular Sunday, I remember a priest making a joke about body size and how people try and fail to lose weight. I felt angry and upset by the way the priest so flippantly mentioned something that I felt was offensive to those experiencing eating disorders or who struggle to accept their bodies. The media, the patriarchy, and society at large frequently tell women in particular that they need to conform to today’s beauty standards. The women I know talk about these topics with sadness and righteous anger. Therefore, I can’t imagine many of them would’ve found the priest’s homily very funny or relatable.
While the insensitive joke bothered me, I don’t believe it was the priest’s intention to offend or insult parishioners. I think he simply had different experiences that led him to believe it was an unremarkable comment. And although it didn’t sit well with me, I still returned to Mass the next Sunday and have continued to practice my Catholic faith. I didn’t abandon the Church because I didn’t like one priest’s comment. Instead I took the experience as an important reminder of the ways God shows up in my life outside of Mass. After all, we shouldn’t only seek God’s presence during Mass, which is led by a man. We are encouraged to find God in all things.
Finding God in All Things (Not Just at Mass)
I regularly find God’s presence in my female friendships, as I have many incredible friends who love and care for me in the same way that God does.
I also experience God during sessions with my spiritual director. In fact, when I feel frustrated or let down by male Church leaders, my spiritual director is quick to remind me of how much Jesus was also let down by the apostles. The apostles betrayed him, abandoned him, and frequently struggled to correctly understand him. She also reminds me of the many ways in which the women of the Bible showed up for Jesus and the important roles they play beyond being good wives and mothers. For example, women were the first to witness the risen Christ, one of the most important moments in Christian faith.
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Relating to and Learning from Women of Faith
Even when priests don’t speak to many of the issues women face (since it is not part of their experience), I find comfort in how there are ways I can relate to women in the Bible. On days when I feel uncomfortable in my body, I remind myself that Mary undoubtedly had to face the challenge of adapting to her changing body during and after pregnancy.
There are also many inspiring women of faith who share wisdom today. I found Mirabai Starr’s conversation on The Spiritual Life Podcast to be profound as she said, “Beauty isn’t always pretty. Beauty means this capacity for appreciating the glory of this creation as it expresses itself in our everyday lives.” To me, this insight reminded me of how even when the world is telling women we need to change our bodies to be “pretty,” God is telling us that we already have profound inner beauty simply for being who we are and who he created us to be.
Even when I feel misunderstood by priests, or upset with the patriarchal world, I am reminded that I can always trust in God, the creator of all things, to fully understand, know, and love me. And while homilies may only come from men, that doesn’t mean we only have to understand and experience God through a male lens. We should never overlook the valuable lessons and insights we can and should learn from women of faith.
Questions for reflection:
- Who do you turn to with unique challenges of faith? How does this person — be it a friend, co-worker, or spiritual director — help relate to your struggles of faith?
- Sarah mentions how she relates to women in the Bible, like Mary, when the experiences of a priest don’t speak to the reality of her life. Reflect on one of the Marian Gospel passages like the Annunciation, Presentation at the Temple, Finding of Jesus in the Temple, the Wedding of Cana, or others. How does Mary navigate the challenges of a patriarchal society? How might you learn to face similar challenges or encourage a more inclusive environment in your life?
- Read about the life of a female saint. What can you learn from her? How does she reflect the goodness God shows through the unique strengths of women?
