I led and preached three Ash Wednesday services last week (you can check out the reflection here ) and it only concretized a point that I made early in the reflection itself: every time that I preach or offer spiritual advice, I increase my chances of waking up a hypocrite the next day.
This is what happens when you give what may be an objectively good tip, but you do not follow it personally. It doesn’t matter with how much passion and vigour you offer the point, it still has a way of coming back and accusing you.
In my case, I sense the Holy Spirit inviting me to look prayerfully and reflectively at the February that was and take account of my output — especially with reference to the amount of yapping I’ve been doing. Even outside of preaching/reflecting opportunities, I’ve been blessed to speak to a city-wide Catholic young adult group; I’ve talked about the Creed and the Lord’s prayer with the RCIA; I’ve talked to the Adult Confirmation (now confirmed!) class about holiness and vocation; and just last night I got to do a Theology on Tap, addressing the topic of faith in the workplace.
These were blessed opportunities, but as I flip through my notes and my powerpoints, I see areas where I am not necessarily preaching from an empty well — but the water is at least a little muddy.
One pressing example. Something I like to encourage those who are preparing for the Sacraments of Initiation is to meditatively read over our most basic statements of faith as Catholics and find out what feels like sandpaper to our minds or our spirit. What do we routinely say in the Nicene Creed that we have questions about but never stopped to confront? When we say the Church is “Holy,” what do we mean by that? “What about the sinners?!”
Maybe you get the idea. This prayerful-critical process can be helpful because in my estimation, anything is better than reciting the Creed routinely and flatly, like reciting the passcode to the top-secret wing of a high-tech research facility (e.g., “The bird flies twice before entering the nest”). Alright, so maybe that is oddly specific. The point is to connect these very critical and very foundational words we say universally (and frequently) with spiritually and intellectually processed convictions.
I straight-up haven’t been covering these basics lately. Too often, I take what is fundamental to my faith for granted. I used to be different, but somewhere along the line I became so busy and important and generally concerned with “higher,” more advanced philosophical and theological concepts that I stopped meditating on what got me to that point of exploration.
We have established in previous posts that the struggle I am wrestling with this Lent is autopilot syndrome. Well, I declare here today that I have said the Creed automatically too. Maybe people expect more from me as a seminarian and religious etc… No matter. With the knowledge of the mercy of God and His desire for me to grow and flourish in relationship with Him — I willingly accuse myself. And that’ll be my starting over point.