I’ve always thought of myself as someone who’s never been afraid of change, mainly because I’m a person who isn’t super particular about keeping things the same. I’ve had friends come and go in my life. I’ve graduated high school, and more recently, just graduated college. I’ve moved coast to coast and lived in many different kinds of homes. I think that change comes with life, so I usually just go with the flow of it (I’ve usually attributed that to my southern California upbringing).

However I realized how this core belief within myself has been challenged throughout my first year outside of college. Though everything changed once college ended, all my friends and I kind of drastically changed together. However, now in working adulthood, I find myself pining for many aspects in my life to just freeze in time. I’d love for me and my friends to stay young, independent, and (nearly) carefree. I’d love for my parents to stay the age they are now, so I would never lose them. I’d like to hold on to the last vestiges of my younger cousins’ childhood, just so I could still be the super cool older cousin. Even more, I’d like to just freeze the times when life is just going well, with no worries at all.

Because with change in adulthood, I feel like the road becomes scarier and more unsure. Where am I going? Who’s going to remain in my life? Why am I suddenly realizing my mortality at such a deeper level than before? Will I rise up in work, or will I just become stagnant?

As I think about all these questions, I realize that Lent asks us all directly to change in some way. From small to large, the Lenten season has asked a lot of me so far. It’s challenged me to live a more prayerful life, a task hard to do in a buzzy, working world. It’s asked me to think about my moral choices even further, even though doing the easy thing would be SO much easier. In a sense, Lent has even made me afraid, making me think about the worries to come down the road.

However, Lent has also made me think of the inevitability of change in my life. On neat end,  my best friend got married and I’m working a full-time job and paying rent in-full for the first time.  On the scary end, illnesses have popped up and worsened in some of my family members. However, on the end that God is guiding me for the Lenten season, I have challenged myself to live a healthier life, as well really take stock of the decisions I make. Lent has made me realize even further that I can’t stop change, and I shouldn’t.

This is not a comfortable realization by any means, and maybe it will never be. Though change comes with joy, it also comes with sorrow.

However this realization is one I can live with and prop myself up with, as long as I take in the grace and goodness of God, as well as taking everything in with a grateful heart.