Q: I have a question about forgiveness. I have a coworker that really annoys me – to put it mildly. I have been trying to be more forgiving of the people with which I work, but this one guy I have not forgiven for anything yet. It is hard for me to do it. He has such a hyper-critical, superior, selfish, angry, and exasperating attitude that I am at the point where just want to avoid him – or publicly dress him down – or maybe crack him over the head. When he thought I was not around my desk today, I caught him mocking me. Now, I really do not want to forgive him. I know I cannot avoid him indefinitely. I know I should not take him down either verbally or physically. I know forgiving him is what I should do. How do I prepare and what do I pray to get myself to the heart-felt place of truly forgiving him?
First of all, it should be stated from the outset that your co-worker is being inappropriate by mocking you publicly at work–a clear violation of any standard human resources policy. Forgiveness is not designed to gloss over someone else’s inappropriate behavior. Forgiveness frees us from allowing hatred to have the final word and controlling our emotions. Forgiveness keeps us in check from doing things that would also be an inappropriate and un-loving response to the other.
However, we should also not be doormats either. It sounds to me as if this person might have some issues that should be addressed by his manager, especially since your initial efforts at reconciliation have not gone well. You could privately bring the issue to your HR representative and then simply release the anger that you are holding and let the issue go.
A second thought is self-assessment here as well. Why do you think this person treats you this way? Is there something that you are doing to annoy your co-worker as well? What role do you play in this relational situation? How might you need to look at your own attitudes and actions in this situation as well in order to grow as a colleague? Might there be something to be forgiven for on your end with this person?
Either way, forgiveness is not brushing all of this under the rug. Forgiveness says that we are moving on and not letting this get in the way of a healthy and life-giving way of life any longer. For that, we should be truly grateful and ask ourselves how we might continue to live this way with God’s help.
