Do you have trouble accepting favors from people? Would you rather go to great lengths to avoid receiving help from another person? Are you afraid that if someone does a good turn for you, you’re indebted to them? If the answer to any of these questions is “Yes,” you’re not alone. One of the consequences of living in a culture that strives for individualism, independence, and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is that many people nowadays loathe receiving assistance, and some of us are even suspicious of those who offer to help us. In this podcast, things get personal as Father Dave and Brett try to help good friend and Busted Halo Show sound engineer Mike!
It all starts with a simple offer from Brett to Mike: Brett is going out of town for the weekend and invites Mike to stay in his apartment, which is closer to the SiriusXM studio than Mike’s house. Mike declines, but explains that it’s not because he doesn’t appreciate the offer or consider Brett a friend or even that he doesn’t like Brett’s apartment — it’s just that when it comes to favors, Mike says: “I can’t do it.”
Father Dave asks: “What if somebody else offers you some other favor? What’s wrong with favors?”
Mike responds: “It’s just a hang-up of mine. I don’t like [accepting favors]. It’s like a power thing, you know? I feel like [the person doing the favor has] power over me.” On top of that, Mike says, there’s a guilt component as well — he doesn’t want to burden or inconvenience anyone, or worst of all, “take advantage of a friend.”
Father Dave suggests that “You’ve got to allow people to be generous.”
This leads to an in-depth discussion about generosity, humility, self-worth, and the nature of love and friendship. It all boils down to the fact that we need to be able to accept the gracious gifts of others, and that refusing simple graces may actually hurt us and our relationships. Father Dave says that he’s not looking to necessarily find a resolution to the immediate problem at hand and get Mike to accept Brett’s initial offer or even to cause an instant transformation live on the air, but Mike concludes by saying: “This was a very enlightening conversation, and I think that helped a lot for me.” (Original Air 06-01-17)