A listener named Monica asks Father Dave about attending wedding ceremonies outside of the Catholic Church. She asks, “I saw a priest on social media say that we cannot attend the wedding of a gay son or daughter. Is that true? How can the Church say that?”
Father Dave begins, “We’ve addressed this before in the past, and there is a lot in the Catholic world about this, but I want to start by being very clear that to say that in the official teaching of the Catholic Church — in any foundational documents, such as the Catechism or even bishop conferences — there is no law or teaching that says that that we cannot. There is no fundamental prohibition for us attending a gay wedding.”
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“The other thing that is also very clear from Catholic Church teaching is that we do not believe that sexual activity is morally right or acceptable by anyone other than a married couple — a man and woman — that are sacramentally married in the Catholic Church,” he continues, and reads from Catechism number 2357 on all the Church says on homosexuality, including definitions of chastity in all vocations.
Father Dave addresses the objections some in the Church raise about attending weddings outside of a sacramental marriage. “Their reason usually goes like this…’those in attendance are legitimizing something that the Catholic Church believes to be wrong, sinful, and immoral.’ Not just in the Church, but also secularly, we have weddings in front of other people as a witness of the community to show support, friendship, and love,” he says. “People will say that it is ‘giving scandal’ to the rest of the world if a devout Catholic is present for a public ceremony, such as a gay wedding. It would ‘allow people to be misled’ because of our participation in it.”
“That is an extrapolation and a take on what we believe as a Catholic Church, but the primary driver that we see in the centuries of Church teaching when it comes to anything in the moral area is the primacy of one’s conscience,” he continues. “Forming our consciences is a serious process of discernment, prayer, and genuinely learning about and trying to, as best we can, appreciate where the Church is coming from — even if we disagree with something.”
Father Dave looks to the example of how Jesus interacted with those who society cast out as sinners. “Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, after whom we model ourselves and our behavior, was mocked, derided, and eventually arrested and killed for reasons including that the very devout religious authorities pointed to the fact that he hung out with notorious sinners,” he says, and reflects on the story of Zacchaeus. “Jesus didn’t just go over to him whispering…He says in front of everyone, ‘Zacchaeus, I will come and dine at your house tonight.’ It couldn’t be more of a public expression of Jesus at least wanting to show love and mercy to someone who was a sinner.”
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Father Dave focuses on a parent attending a child’s wedding outside of the Church. “The Church calls us to form our consciences, and to love the way Jesus loved; that is a selfless love. There are few things that are more obviously selfless than a devout Catholic parent attending something like [a gay wedding] that clearly is difficult for them to witness, clearly is not what they would choose, and clearly something they disagree with,” he says.
“We know that there are goods to uphold in terms of the Church’s teaching about marriage and homosexuality. There are also goods to be upheld of unconditional love, particularly of our children. Based on experience, what would almost inevitably happen is at least some, if not complete, estrangement from your child if you choose not to go to their wedding,” he says. “If we can avoid not only breaking people’s hearts, but estranging parents from children, let’s do that.”
Father Dave upholds that these are nuanced situations, and that parents should have honest and difficult conversations with their kids. “The Church that is crystal clear on some things; if this was that crystal clear, it would be in the Catechism,” he says. “So please, form your conscience. Please love your son or daughter, but don’t think that the Church mandates or insists that you must not attend that wedding; that is not true.”
