We are all made in the image and likeness of God, and Father Dave welcomes author Ginny Kochis who ministers to Catholic families with neurodivergent children. Ginny’s online community provides practical support and prayerful encouragement to Catholic parents raising exceptional children, and her new book is called “Quirky Catholic Kids: Navigating Neurodivergence with Faith and Joy.”
Ginny defines neurodivergence and shares her experience as a Catholic mother of three children with these differences. “[Neurodivergence] is not a medical term, but it’s an umbrella term for individuals whose brains take in, process, and then communicate sensory or language stimulation differently,” she says. “I have one child on the autism spectrum; She’s level one, not impacting language or intelligence. Neurodivergence can be [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder]; I have two children with OCD. It can be giftedness; All three of my kids are twice exceptional, so they are intellectually gifted, but they have either an emotional or developmental delay. [Neurodivergence] can [include] dyslexia or Tourette syndrome.”
“When I had my kids, they were definitely marching to the beat of their own drums before I knew what any of their diagnoses were,” Ginny says. “They are amazing, but they weren’t like the other kids that I saw. I didn’t really see it as a problem, it was who they were; they were unique and unrepeatable. It wasn’t until my oldest went into kindergarten that we really started to have some challenges with her behavior.”
RELATED: The Sunday Struggle: Navigating Mass as a Parent of Children With Autism
Ginny details her own path in navigating neurodivergence as a Catholic mom. “I went into my motherhood expecting it to look like a 1950s holy card…it didn’t look like that at all. I experienced a lot of feeling like I was kind of a mess and not a good mom,” she shares. “I didn’t really see my kids’ behaviors and challenges as parts of their brains and communication, which is what they are. I saw them as behavior problems and failures on my part.”
“I hear from a lot of moms that they feel responsible, they feel guilty, and they’re going through a period of grief. I think there’s an expectation of how Catholic kids are supposed to behave, and how Catholic families are supposed to look,” Ginny continues. “I wanted to not necessarily break down those stereotypes, but say that a lot of this is in your head. They’re not looking at you, and if they are, then that’s their problem, not yours. I wanted to reassure [parents] that their families are perfect just the way they are.”
Father Dave notes, “You definitely offer encouragement and hope for parents…what do you offer for parents that, particularly in the Church’s context, tend to feel a little isolated? Maybe they think it means that the Catholic schools won’t be able to deal with their kids, or I would imagine particularly in the faith community, there’s additional levels of feeling out of place.”
Ginny responds with a story about her oldest daughter who taught herself how to read at a young age but struggled initially in school. “My oldest failed out of Catholic kindergarten. She went in there reading ‘The Hobbit’ and ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ but she couldn’t handle being in a classroom,” she says, “She was hiding her under the table, she was running away from the classroom, which is called eloping. She would get really angry with her teachers for a grammar mistake on a piece of paper, and she wouldn’t be able to explain why.”
LISTEN: Fostering an Inclusive Faith: How to Make Catholicism More Tangible?
“There are a lot of schools who can’t support neurodivergent kids of varying degrees, but there are a lot of schools who can. It depends on what your child’s needs are, and also developing a really strong relationship with the administration and the teachers; that really helps,” Ginny continues. “If you look at it from a communal aspect, or like a partnership, rather than doing what I did [at first], which was really bad — I was very defensive and very angry. I learned a lot.”
They discuss how getting a diagnosis can help a family overcome fears of neurodivergence. “I think a lot of people worry that if you get a diagnosis, you’ll end up with a label. However, a label and a diagnosis are two different things; a label is a stereotype, whereas a diagnosis is a medical condition,” Ginny says. “If your child was exhibiting excessive thirst, using the bathroom a lot, and not feeling well, you would take them to the doctor. [Maybe it’s] type one diabetes: that’s your diagnosis.”
“I look at [neurodivergence] in a similar way. If your child is having a hard time functioning in large crowds or performing in the classroom…If it’s affecting your family’s quality of life, their quality of life, like your kid is sad — then I think going to the doctor and getting an evaluation [will help],” she continues. “Finding out what’s going on gives you a lot of tools to be able to support your child on their terms. I’m big on providing kids with the tools they need to navigate a neurotypical world on their own terms as they are ready.”
