Father Dave welcomes licensed marriage and family therapist Tommy Tighe to discuss how Saint Dymphna can inspire those in the midst of depression. Tommy is the author of “I’m Depressed — Now What? Saint Dymphna’s Guide to Building Your Depression Playbook.”
Tommy shares Saint Dymphna’s story and why she is the patron saint of mental health issues. “Her story is one of exile. She had to leave Ireland and traveled to present-day Belgium to escape her father who was causing her a lot of problems,” he says. “She got caught by her father eventually because she was spending her treasure to set up homes for people who were suffering from neurological and mental illnesses.”
Saint Dymphna lived in the seventh century where those with mental health issues were often cast out or misunderstood. “Today, where she lived in Geel, Belgium, they have a groundbreaking program where, instead of being locked up or taken away from the community, [those with severe mental illnesses] live in homes with others in the community,” Tommy explains. “They see a lot of great success because being part of a community is a great solution to some of our mental health struggles, in addition to other treatment.”
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Tommy reflects on what we can learn from Saint Dymphna. “I think about her openness to being able to be with people who are suffering from this. I think we try to avoid [suffering] and keep our own struggles to ourselves — that’s where we can get locked into this idea that we’re all alone, nobody can understand or help us,” he says, and notes how this impacts our faith. “[We might think] If God loves me, why do I feel so depressed? If there’s a point for my life, why does it feel like there’s nothing? I think her message to carry through is that God’s always there, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”
Father Dave adds, “People sometimes fall into the trap of mistaking spirituality or our relationship with God with genuine mental health issues. For instance, questions like, ‘If I’m depressed, does that mean I’m not praying enough?’ or ‘How could I be experiencing this if we have an all-loving God?’ You very helpfully draw distinctions and realize that both can be true: God can love us, and we can be depressed.”
Tommy reflects on what the Paschal Mystery shows us about love amid suffering. “I think the crucifix in all of our churches and our love of Jesus shows us that. Because God loves Jesus, and yet look how it went down,” he says. “We really have to start looking at mental health not as a personal failure, but as a health condition. When I tell people I was diagnosed with hypertension in my 20s, nobody says, ‘Oh my God, you’re so awful! How could you have done that? ‘They say, ‘Oh, wow! I’m so sorry, I hope you got treatment for it.’ We have to look at mental health just like that, like a broken arm. We go to the doctor, we go to the therapist, and we get the treatment that’s recommended.”
Tommy offers a practical tip for Catholics facing depression. “When you’re feeling okay, that’s the time to make a plan for when you feel not okay,” he says. “Because when you’re feeling depressed or anxious, your brain is already functioning at 40% capacity, and it can’t come up with things in the moment to help you feel better.”
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“Pull out your phone on your notes app, or this book which you can write in,” he continues. “Then you have it when you’re feeling sick, and you don’t have to come up with a plan, because the plan is already there. I’m supposed to text my sister and tell her I’m not feeling okay. You can just do that in advance instead of having to come up with something when you feel depressed.”
Tommy shares advice for those accompanying friends and family with depression or thoughts of suicide. “Just be a human to them. Be a present human being who’s willing to sit with somebody. Talk about it with them, because sometimes we feel like someone’s going to hurt themselves, we don’t want to talk about it,” he says. “We fear we might make them think of it, or might trigger them. The person is likely thinking about it all the time, and they’re just hoping that somebody is willing to sit in that darkness with them.”
If you or a loved one is ever experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 988. And consult Suicide Prevention Hotline if you are concerned for yourself or another.
