Question: I have had to be away from my wife of ten years and our children for several weeks as I am taking a Christian course but my sexual urge is driving me “crazy” now. It’s almost all I think about and I am not happy about that.  I need to focus on other things but sex is almost all i think about! Would it be a sin against God if my wife and I were to masturbate with each other over the phone?

Our contemporary world presents us with possibilities and choices never thought of in previous times.

On one level, I wonder if you should strive more to control your sexual appetites and not allow your sexual urge to drive you “crazy.” Easy for me to say. And I’m the guy who cannot resist eating an extra Tastykake or two, or three. Compulsions are to be resisted, but success in these areas takes great training and time. We form our habits and they form us, as St. Thomas Aquinas realized. Be patient with yourself and trust God’s grace to mold you into the person God desires you to be.

So, imaginatively place yourself in this masturbatory fantasy, and then imagine Jesus watching you and your wife doing this. Would he be OK with this? So much of what we should or should not do becomes clear if we ask ourselves how we would feel if we knew our grandparents were aware we were doing “X” “Y” or “Z.”

Love is to be expressed between two people and sex is a great act of union, communication and love. For some people phone or Skype sex (there was a scene about this on the TV show Parenthood in September, so I guess this is becoming a common practice) may be truly coming from a loving place, though less than the ideal of actual sexual union–what all married couples should strive for. For others, it may be selfish and insensitive using of the person on the other end of the line or side of the screen as the case may be. Only your conscience, rightly formed, can determine what this kind of sexual act means.