My priest yelled at me in confession because I had pre-marital sex – is this objectionable behavior and should I report him if it is?

The sacrament of reconciliation celebrates God’s boundless mercy and love — no matter what we have done, God always gives us a fresh start if we express sorrow for our sins and a desire to amend our lives. There is absolutely no place for recriminations during confession. The priest may ask questions to help you thoroughly examine your conscience, and he will encourage you to true conversion of heart. But he is not there to scold you because of what you have done. Instead, his words and his tone should convey that he wishes to welcome you back into God’s loving embrace.

If you begin a confession and feel you are not being treated well, it is best to leave and to seek another priest at another time. You are always free to seek out a priest who can help you feel comfortable during reconciliation. If you have serious concerns about the priest’s behavior, call the representative of the priest personnel board (find contact information on your diocesan website). The seal of confession is extremely sacred, which makes reporting about something that happened during reconciliation very delicate. The representative can help you determine if any further action is necessary.

Neela Kale

Neela Kale is a writer and catechetical minister based in the Archdiocese of Portland. She served with the Incarnate Word Missionaries in Mexico and earned a Master of Divinity at the Jesuit School of Theology. Some of her best theological reflection happens on two wheels as she rides her bike around the hills of western Oregon.