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April 1st, 2003

Iraq Bleeds, North Korea Jealous

Stalinist State May Dump U.S., Find New No. 1 Enemy

 
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As the war in Iraq continued to rage, North Korea last week made some clear signs of its displeasure at being ignored by its traditional enemy, the United States.

As news reports continued to leak that North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Il, has not appeared in public for more than 45 days, rumors circulated that the reclusive leader is actively courting new enemies for his country, a blatant jab at the U.S. for not fulfilling its duties as a good and faithful foe.

The signs of this included a mysterious truckload of dead flowers delivered to Capitol Hill last Thursday with the simple message, “Won’t have us to kick round, Amerika,” written in English, Korean, and Swahili. When authorities attempted to trace the delivery through FTD, a mysterious Swiss bank account was the only connection.

Then came the rumors that Kim Jong Il has been seen openly exchanging curses (concerning the behavior and origins of people’s mothers) with the Prime Ministers of India and Pakistan, the other two nuclear powers in Asia. The rumors lend credence to the theory that in a jealous fit North Korea is surely thinking of leaving the USA for another country.

The final sign of North Korea’s feelings, however, came in a decoded message on the weekend. A low level operative in the Ministry of Propaganda in Pyongyang sent Deputy Communications Director Loe Mann at the White House an emotional, meandering letter.

In the letter, North Korea threatened to return to the United States fifty years of anti-American propaganda, hate mail, and all its anti-capitalist buttons and pamphlets, the symbols of a long and close relationship of enmity and constant tension, unless the United States diverted a tiny fraction of its attention away from “that second-rate nuclear pretender-whore Iraq” and promise North Korea at the very least a round of tense negotiations, or even better, a semi-veiled threat of military action. “We demand something from you in return for all our sacrifices over the years! Something!”

There has been no comment from Ari Fleischer, the Bush Administration spokesman.

 
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The Author : Jerry King
Jerry King writes occasionally for BustedHalo.
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