Busted Halo

Most dating and relationships books, columns and shows won’t go near issues of faith. Author, professor and speaker Dr. Christine B. Whelan assumes faith has some role, and tackles even the toughest questions.

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February 9th, 2009

Whom Not to Marry

We’re turning the tables and asking our readers for advice


who-to-marry_insideCalling all Pure Sex, Pure Love readers: I’m teaming up with one of the most famous priests in America to bring you the best dating and relationship advice. Want a piece of the action? Here’s the story:

Last summer Maureen Dowd wrote a column titled “An Ideal Husband,” featuring love advice from Fr. Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest based in Bordentown, N.J., who has spent his celibate life mulling what it takes to achieve marital bliss.

The next day, Fr. Pat charmed the world with more advice for young adults (who you should and shouldn’t marry, why you can’t change a man, etc.) on the Today Show. (Watch the segment here.) And in the spring of next year, his book Whom Not To Marry: 50 Years of Wisdom From America’s Most Beloved Priest will be in stores everywhere.

Fr. Pat is a huge fan of the Paulist Fathers and BustedHalo®, and in his research for the book came across the Pure Sex, Pure Love column. He was so intrigued by the honest questions and real-life advice that we discuss here that he asked me to team up with him on his research. And that’s where you come in.

Fr. Pat is looking for your stories — the good, the bad, the ugly and especially the funny.

  • When did you start thinking seriously about getting married?
  • What advice did your Grandmother give you about dating and marriage
  • What advice did your parents give you about meeting Mr./Ms. Right?
  • In previous relationships, when did you realize that s/he wasn’t “the one”?
  • If you’re engaged or married, when did you realize that this was “the one”?
  • What advice would you give to an engaged couple?
  • What advice would you give to a newlywed couple?
  • If you’ve been married for a few years, what advice do you wish you’d received?
  • Any dating and marriage questions for Fr. Pat or me? Send those, too!

Email your stories, with your age and name (it doesn’t have to be your real name — priests are good at keeping secrets, so you can trust in the anonymity here!), to whomnottomarry@gmail.com. Fr. Pat will use some in his forthcoming book, and I’ll answer your questions in my upcoming columns. And the best stories will receive a copy of my new book, Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love.

Here’s to a Valentine’s Day full of love (and good advice!)

The Author : Christine B. Whelan
Dr. Christine B. Whelan is an author, professor and speaker. She and her husband, Peter, and their dictator cats, Chairman Meow and Evita Purron, live in Pittsburgh. Her book "Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women" is available in stores or at the Halo Store.
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Please note that the editorial staff reserves the right to not post comments it deems to be inappropriate and/or malicious in nature, as well as edit comments for length, clarity and fairness.
  • The Emperor

    Don’t marry American and NEVER marry a feminist because despite her beliefs on equality, she will never be happy with what you do for her and believe you are trying to oppress or take advantage of her when it comes to house work.

    Also, if she makes more money than you, she may believe that you are unable to support her and leave you.

    Make sure you avoid marrying someone that insists you accept her for who she is but demands that you makes changes to be her ideal man.

    Certainly do not marry someone who judges your “worthiness” based on your bank account, car, looks, the expense of your gifts and who withholds sex.

    Marry someone that you can get along with and believes that a good wife is one who makes the home a pleasant place that instead of visiting strip tease bars and pubs, the man goes directly home because he can not bear to be away from his loving wife.

  • SG

    ….don’t marry someone that is running away. Like running away from parents, job, friends or previous significant other. Don’t marry someone until you know how the speak/feel about their family (especially their mother)…. don’t marry someone who has no organized religious affilliation but likes to beat up organized religion….. don’t marry anyone who does not want children in their lives…. don’t marry someone who’s biggest concern is themselves…. they are easy to spot….. Peace and good luck….SG

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