Busted Halo
feature: entertainment & lifestyle
March 28th, 2002

Simulation Alley

A Generation of More "Realistic" Computer Games

 
facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Virtual America
Construct your own “virtual neighborhood” where hundreds of clones of Sam Walton, Michael Eisner, and Rupert Murdoch compete inside a gated community. Play as one of the three and set sales quotas for products that an army of immigrants, who toil underground for minimum wage, will want to buy. Caution: not for sale in Mexican border towns.

Busted
Establish a thriving medical practice in breast enlargement. In timed relays you must discover new and expensive ways to create the “perfect breast”—one that defies gravity and time. Craft the perfect breast and win an all expense cyber trip to sunny Beverly Hills. But be careful: ruin a breast and you get sent to Grenada for remedial medical training. Lose a patient, and it’s off to the Colombian jungle to torture hostages for sweaty paramilitaries. Caution: not recommended for men with “man breasts” who are currently on Viagra.

The Mother of All Bombs
A lusty, action-packed game. Rack up points by playing a terrorist from a small, developing country or as a general from a rich, industrial one. Targeting is crucial, as is deftness, especially in using the words “collateral damage.” Detonating the “Mother of All Bombs” at independent media outlets allows you to move on to the “love shack” where cyber-prostitutes of your liking await. Caution: graphic sexual content.

Texas Prison System Massacre
A thriller game. Play as Texas Prison System warden Tad Bellows who must navigate a flaming prison where angry death row inmates and resentful anti-Death Penalty activists lie in wait. Use a secret syringe on unsuspecting prisoners and collect points that allow you to establish order. Once order is established, you enter the next level and hunt for spooky liberal media subversives that carry an incurable virus that eats the flesh of compassionate conservatives. Caution: violence and Southern profanity.

Sims Mass
Construct your own Sims Mass, complete with Priest with “qualities you’d like a priest to have.” As Priest you navigate the orthodoxy police, potential sexual misconduct lawsuits, and fringe parishioners part of a survivalist militia. Construct your own liturgies, compose rap choir ditties, and create a new penance standard that can be fully redeemed at Starbuck’s. And do it all before the big Sunday Easter Mass where you must escape the ire of stone-throwing parishioners after announcing your church is being sold for equity.

News Producer
Create your own reality TV show to take place in a hermetically sealed television news studio. Cast a group of ruthless, back-stabbing broadcasting graduates. Then script and feed them highly biased news from the outside world and see the what hits the fan! The goal: create the most entertaining and patriotic reality show possible—and make it look like real news! Using state of the art video streaming technology you’ll be able to enter your news/reality show in a cyberspace “best in show” competition judged by Oliver North, Ashton Kutcher, and Jayson Blair. Winner to get a five minute news spot on Fox, and a Fall prime time slot on ABC.

 
facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail
The Author : Edward Ortiz
Edward Ortiz is a journalist and writer from western Massachsetts.
See more articles by (23).
Please note that the editorial staff reserves the right to not post comments it deems to be inappropriate and/or malicious in nature, as well as edit comments for length, clarity and fairness.
powered by the Paulists