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Our readers asked:

Is it sinful for women to kiss at bars to get attention?

Richard G. Malloy, SJ Answers:

Question: At bars, I kiss my roommate (we’re both female) to get the attention of guys. It’s just kinda fun and we think it’s harmless and we don’t go farther than that. Is that a sin?

There exist thin lines between harmless, dumb, stupid, harmful and sinful. Two women using their sexuality in “harmless” ways can often verge on doing or causing great harm. Why are you trying to get the attention on guys this way? What’s the difference between this and flashing your naked breasts?

Chastity is the integration of sexuality into our lives (Catechism of the Catholic Church # 2337). Does making out with your girlfriend integrate or disintegrate sexuality in your lives?

St. Ignatius teaches in the Principle and Foundation of his spiritual exercises that “The human person is created to praise, reverence, and serve God Our Lord, and by doing so, to save his or her soul. All other things on the face of the earth are created for human beings in order to help them pursue the end for which they are created. It follows from this that one must use other created things, in so far as they help towards one’s end, and free oneself from them, in so far as they are obstacles to one’s end…. we should desire and choose only what helps us more towards the end for which we are created.”

Use the God given gift of sexuality to help people move toward the end for which you and they are created, i.e., union in love with God forever.
Think about it: If you were in heaven, would you be making out with you girlfriend to “get” Jesus’ attention?

The Author : Richard G. Malloy, SJ
Richard G. Malloy, S.J., Ph.D., is Vice President for University Ministries, the University of Scranton, Scranton, PA, and author of A Faith That Frees (Orbis Books).
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  • sadie

    Thank you Steve for your comment. I would like to say “ditto”. I feel like a teachable moment was lost. What about looking at “why” one needs to kiss another girl to get attention from guys in bars. Also, what type of message are you sending when you kiss another girl in a bar? Is it the same message the guys are receiving? I think your last paragraph should’ve been your first. What about helping people explore how to “move toward the end for which you and they are created”?

  • Steve

    There is nothing sinful about expressing your sexuality, be in hetero or homosexual. I would say that question is not about “sinning” or being harmful. The question maybe is “why do I need to get attention, what in me needs to heal”?

    I find it disconcerting that we are still citing the Catechism as a reference. As long as we continue to do that, rather than seek God in prayer and personal experience, we will always be limiting God and misinterpreting him.

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