Busted Halo
Features : Sex & Relationships
 
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December 18th, 2009
The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding Episode 10

Want to see more? Watch other episodes of “The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding”.
Send us your questions!
We encourage you to email us questions, or record a short video with your question and send it to us. If we use your video in a future episode, we will give you a $25 Amazon gift certificate. Send in your questions to weddings@bustedhalo.com and hear Dr. Christine Whelan, author of the Pure Sex, Pure Love… column go head to head with Father Eric Andrews, a Paulist priest with more than 15 years of wedding experience as they debate your questions: Why can’t you get married on the beach? Why is the priest being such a jerk? Why do we have to talk about sex during pre-Cana? And many

December 7th, 2009
Researchers try to reveal beauty and humanity on the web

Sep Kamvar

Feel festive, cheerful and blessed around Christmas — but then slide into the doldrums in the first weeks of the New Year? Financially illiterate — and then suddenly started blogging about how the ups and downs of the stock market impacted you emotionally? Felt patriotic — or depressed — when Obama was elected? The internet knows.

Talk about following the zeitgeist: Computer programmers Sep Kamvar and Jonathan Harris have spent more than four years collecting some 12 million emotions posted on internet blogs. Turns out we’re a pretty predictable bunch: Patterns of the calendar, news events and even the weather influence how we say we feel. And as an increasing number of bloggers worldwide share their lives publicly, we’re developing a new relationship with computers, our fellow bloggers and ourselves.

And this Christmas season, you can track your emotions in their strikingly beautiful, glossy gift book, We Feel Fine (Scribner), that uses sophisticated computer science to underpin its findings about modern human emotion. The brainchild of Kamvar, a professor of computational mathematics at Stanford University, and Harris, a systems designer, the program scans scans all blogs every few minutes and extracts the sentences that contain “I feel” or “I am feeling.” Since blogs often have public profiles, the duo was able to determine the gender, age, and location of the people expressing these emotions, to boot.

Which makes it particularly cool for young adults — and spiritual seekers. You can find out what people your age and faith background are thinking. Who is more likely to feel blessed? What states are most likely to have bloggers talking about religion? It’s all in there — in a really pretty layout that will make you want to flip through the pages time and again.

November 9th, 2009
What exactly does it mean and how is it affecting young adults' behavior

As a young professor at a big university, I’m able to talk to my students about rather personal issues like hooking up, relationships and sex. In one class, I asked students to diagram, on a large whiteboard, the evolution of a relationship — from first meeting to marriage. This was a fascinating exercise, and highlighted one key challenge in the dating game for young adults: “Hook-ups” are very common, but no group of college students can agree on exactly what the term means.
Studies tell us that more than half of college relationships begin with a hook-up. Translation: Before two college students have a dinner date, a meaningful conversation or even exchange phone numbers, there’s…

October 25th, 2009
The recent Sedona sweat lodge tragedy highlights some dangers in our obsession with self help

What would you do for spiritual enlightenment and personal success? Would you agree to spend 36 hours alone in the desert without food or water to help clear your mind and find your true potential? Would you follow a trusted leader into a dark, hot tent to experience a version of a centuries-old Native American sweat lodge ritual? History shows that in the name of self-help, many people will do just that — and more.
Three people died and more than a dozen others were injured as a result of an Oct. 8 retreat in Sedona, Arizona, led by James Arthur Ray, a nationally known self-help guru. According to interviews with participants and their family members, more than 50 people — within hours of returning from a desert “vision…

October 13th, 2009
Among women, relationships can get complicated

“We need to talk.”
The four dreaded words that strike fear into all of us. “We need to talk” is almost never the start of a fun conversation. It’s usually about how you’ve done something wrong. Or how the relationship isn’t working for the other person. And while we all dread those four little words in our romantic relationships, I’d argue that hearing them from your best friend is even worse.
I hate drama within friendships. I firmly believe they should be easy relationships. If a friend calls to cancel lunch at the last minute, I don’t immediately think it’s about me. She’s busy; we’ll reschedule; it’s fine. And I assume my…

September 28th, 2009
Learning to fear regret more than rejection

daisy_complex-inside

Call it the Daisy Complex: So many of us worry ourselves sick — think of that silly game where you pluck the petals off a daisy: “She loves me… she loves me not…” seeking an arbitrary answer — and our fear of rejection keeps us from taking the first steps to happiness.

In his head, Thomas plays out the negative scenarios: He asks her out, she says no, and the friendship is ruined — he’s lost her entirely.

Or, he asks her out, she says yes, but then things don’t work out, and everything is weird after that.

Or…

The scenarios of doom are endless. But one scenario is nearly guaranteed: If Thomas doesn’t ask her out or show his interest, she’ll never know he cares about her that way. And that, to me, is the saddest of all possibilities.

“I know it’s a problem,” Thomas told me. “I just don’t know how to fix it.”

Conquering the Daisy Complex

I gave Thomas two bits of advice… and told him I’d share his story with other young adult readers who might be struggling with similar fears. Here’s my advice. What’s yours?

September 14th, 2009
How to support a friend or loved one who's grieving

On a recent Friday night a friend of mine called to tell me her husband had died suddenly. He didn’t suffer and she was with him, but he was young and they’d only been married for a little over a year. At first I thought I hadn’t heard correctly. I was expecting the news that she was pregnant, or that there was a new job on the horizon. Even when someone calls to say they have bad news, death is far from my mind.
“I’m so sorry” was all I could keep repeating. The next week I flew out to see her, brought chocolates and sat there as she told me the whole story. I told her again how sorry I was, and wished there was something more I could do.
While I hope this isn’t something that any of you have…

August 31st, 2009
Busted Halo examines three popular Catholic internet dating services

Jeff Whitfield shouldn’t need any help meeting women. When he talks in his calm, Kentucky drawl about his past rambunctiousness and the salvation his faith provided him, he sounds charming, self-possessed, and likable — not the kind of guy who would need an online dating service. In fact, he wouldn’t have expected it ether. Jeff’s initial impression of the people who use internet dating sites was characteristically blunt. “They’re losers,” he used to say.
The problem is, the people he kept meeting weren’t exactly winners. Jeff was tired of the bar scene but wasn’t sure where else to go, so he thought he’d give CatholicSingles.com a try. After…

August 31st, 2009
Our readers weigh in on how the economy has affected their love lives

Katie, 27, and her fiancé, Ryan, got engaged in October, 2008, just as the economy was beginning its free-fall. Ryan was graduating from law school and, with a job lined up at a good firm, he planned to start paying off more than $150,000 in student loans. But in February, Ryan’s law firm withdrew their offer, laying off employees and downsizing their operation. Katie’s salary as a Catholic school teacher wasn’t going to be enough to make ends meet and pay off the loans. While Ryan searched, unsuccessfully, for another legal job, the young couple was in a bind. “Should we still get married? How will we live and survive?” Katie remembers asking herself.
A few weeks back, I introduced…

August 3rd, 2009
How is the economic downturn affecting relationships?

Tim is an unmarried 29-year-old with a master’s in statistics. He’d like to meet a great woman, get married and start a family, but he says the recession has stalled his progress.
“I don’t have the disposable income to go out on a date,” Tim told me recently. Plus, he said, his self-worth is tied to his career. After a few years of underemployment in jobs that haven’t been intellectually stimulating, even if he did have some more cash on hand he wouldn’t really feel up to dating.
“Manliness is rooted in a career, and it is demoralizing to work in positions that require little to no education and have little to no prospect of upward mobility,” said Tim. “All…

July 6th, 2009
Memories of my Marriage Encounter childhood

Growing up, I was mortified by my parents’ public displays of religion. I’m still convinced that from the years of 1982 to 1986 my parents were part of a cult; others called it “Marriage Encounter.”
One fateful Friday afternoon in 1980, they packed one suitcase and prepared to leave for the first of many retreat weekends; weekends that would become the bane of my existence; weekends that would become the main reason I fled to therapy at the ripe age of ten.
“We’re not getting divorced,” they asserted repeatedly, often in unison, when I questioned their decision to join such a mysterious organization. Of course, deep down I suspected that was the reason they were going.…

June 28th, 2009
Reality show rubbernecking

Recently, I’ve been tuning in to Jon & Kate Plus Eight at the gym. I watch on the sly like I’d rubberneck on the highway: The crash is too gory to view directly, but I can’t take my eyes off the drama. Some research suggests viewers watch reality TV because deep down they believe, someday, they too might be a star. I’d argue it’s even more basic than that: Reality television plays on our ugly, but very human, need to take someone else — especially the rich, attractive or famous — down a peg.
Call it the “Can you imagine?” factor: When Playboy… Playmate Kendra hands her soon-to-be parents-in-law a signed copy of her nude centerfold, the at-home viewers can screech

June 14th, 2009
The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding Episode 9

Episode #9 — The Velveteen Rabbit

Want to see more? Watch other episodes of “The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding”.
Send us your questions!
Dr. Christine B. Whelan, is an Iowa-based social historian, professor, journalist and author. She is the author of Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love, and Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women.
Fr. Eric Andrews CSP, effective September 1, 2009, is the newly appointed President of Paulist Productions, the film and television ministry of the Paulist Fathers, located in Los Angeles, California. Prior to entering the priesthood, he worked for Jim Henson and the Muppets on a variety of television productions.…

June 7th, 2009
The Princess, The Priest--The Rabbi--and the War for the Perfect Wedding Episode 8

Episode #8 — Interfaith Marriage… What about the kids?

NEXT WEEK: The Princess, The Priest and… The Velveteen Rabbit?!
Want to see more? Watch other episodes of “The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding” here.
Special thanks to Rabbi Jill Hausman of The Actors Temple, NYC. Contact her at cantorweddings.com
Send us your questions!
Dr. Christine B. Whelan, is an Iowa-based social historian, professor, journalist and author. She is the author of Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love, and Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women.
Fr. Eric Andrews CSP, effective September 1, 2009, is the newly appointed President of Paulist Productions, the …

June 1st, 2009
Nurturing our relationships when we're 'too busy'

For the last six months, I’ve been busier than usual with work. In January and February, I was promoting my new book Marry Smart… and some new findings in mate-preferences research just in time for Valentine’s Day. All the while, I was teaching more than 200 students in two classes at the University of Iowa, grading papers, writing lectures and trying to get started on the book manuscript that’s due on July 1.
So I’ll admit it: I’ve been tired and grumpy and not a whole lot of fun for my husband, Peter, to be around. All of the best of me goes into my workday, and Peter gets the exhausted scraps. As we discussed our second wedding anniversary, which is coming up in a few weeks, Peter said he

May 19th, 2009
The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding Episode 5

Episode #5 — How can we keep our wedding simple?

NEXT WEEK: Why can’t we get married to The Beatles?
Want to see more? Watch other episodes of “The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding” here.

Some links to discount wedding gowns
From Christine… “Here’s a link to a great place called VOWS in Newton, MA that has lots of discounted wedding gowns — I looked there myself, actually, and I can tell you there are wonderful dresses: www.bridepower.com… as of my writing this, there are 69 dresses under $500. There are also some wedding dresses on sale at jcrew.com for under $200 as well. Target did a great line of wedding dresses last year, but discontinued

May 3rd, 2009
Reconsidering a woman's "wifely duty"

A few weeks ago, a friend sent me a column titled “Women need to say yes to sex.” I had my back up immediately — but kept reading. Bettina Arndt, author of The Sex Diaries…, begins the piece with this opening salvo: “What ever happened to wifely duty?”
Got your attention now? Yep, in any marriage, negotiations about sex cut to the heart of power dynamics, trust issues and emotional intimacy. And these are very sensitive subjects. (And no, I won’t be offended if you just click through to read her piece first and then come back to mine. It’s provocative.)
Arndt argues that “the assumption that women need to want sex to enjoy it has proved a really damaging sexual idea, one

April 13th, 2009
Our Pure Sex, Pure Love columnist offers some background on her new web video series The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding

Thinking about getting married? Engaged? Welcome aboard the emotional rollercoaster: Planning a wedding and anticipating a marriage is a joyful time of preparations — but also a highly charged period of decisions, debates and family pressures.
And, as usual, BustedHalo® is here to help. Recently, I joined forces via the wonders of iChat technology with Father Eric Andrews, a Paulist priest who has over 15 years of wedding experience. Fr. Eric and I answer questions from brides and grooms preparing to be married in the Catholic Church. Why can’t you get married on the beach? Why is the priest being such a jerk? Why do we have to talk about sex during pre-Cana?
In our video series, The Princess, The Priest…

April 6th, 2009
Some highlights from our columnist's visit to CBS TV's Early Show

This morning, I appeared live on “The Early Show” on CBS to discuss dating and relationship strategies during an economic downturn. Watch the show here and read below for more advice.
When is the appropriate time to bring up finances in a relationship — and is it something you should really be asking about early on? …
Money is one of those subjects that’s off limits on the first date — but if you’ve just been laid off from your job there’s no avoiding the discussion. Get to know someone for who they are, not what they can buy for you: Is she proactive about finding a new job? Is he brainstorming about other career paths? Ambition and perseverance are what’s going to pay

March 25th, 2009
Coming Soon! Busted Halo's "The Princess, The Priest and the War for the Perfect Wedding"

From over-the-top registries to destination weddings, the American wedding industrial complex is a $161 billion consumer bonanza. But a wedding is more than just a party: It’s the beginning of a life-long marriage, an important sacrament in the Catholic Church. Brides want everything to be to their specifications — and priests bristle at being treated like hired help. Friends and family ask about color themes for the reception, and the priest plies pre-Cana compatibility quizzes. It’s a cultural war, and engaged couples are on the front lines.

What happens when the princess planning her “one perfect day” clashes with the priest who would rather preside over a dozen funerals…

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